The Girl Who Can't Kill
by IAmTheStars
Summary: We all know who Katniss Everdeen is. The Girl on Fire, The Mockingjay, The Star Crossed Lover from District 12. This story is not about her. This story is about Arien Lockett from District Nine. The Girl who made a very breakable promise to win the games. The girl who said she would always come back. The Girl Who Can't Kill.
1. Can I Keep This Promise?

**Hello everyone!**

** So I have already seen the hunger games about 4 times and am giving it all my love right now. Cato's character stood out to a lot in the movie and I loved what he said in the end. It really made me feel for him and thought I would write a story about him and try to flesh out his character a little more with one of my own. So hopefully you guys will enjoy reading it as much as I will enjoy writing it!**

**Disclaimer: If I were Suzanne Collins I am pretty sure I would be writing a real book and having published by now.**

* * *

Life in District 9 is not an easy one. Being one of the poorer districts, we were all underfed, underpaid, and overworked. But beggars can't be choosers, and we all make do with we have and what we can get. We hunt all working hours of the day for money, and then overtime for food. We are trained form a young age to hunt and kill animals. We are sent into the field at age 12 to start hunting, and then we send all our game to the Capitol, while we are left with nothing but our weapons to hunt and kill what ever hasn't yet been scared off for ourselves. It's hard, but what choice do we have when our leaders turn a blind eye to our suffering, and instead show their supremacy over us by killing our children?

None.

* * *

"_Tic... Tic... Tic... Tic..."_

The constant "_tics"_ are the only sounds I hear as I crouch in the middle of a tall grassy field, straining to hear the "s_nort" _of the wild boar I have been hunting for the past three hours. I inhale, tying to focus and not let my impatience get the better of me. I reach into my bag and pull out some wild raspberries and grass before crushing them in my hand and wiping them across my face and neck, masking my human scent to other animals. Stray hairs tickle my nose and make me want to sneeze, so I tighten my long dark brown ponytail and brush some stubborn stray pieces of hair out of my face. I start to readjust my position and then, I hear it.

"_Snort!"_

I cock my head in the direction if the sound, trying to pinpoint where it came from. It's close by, probably no more than 100 yards to my right. I start to move swiftly and quietly, crouching only slightly because of my short height.

"_Snort!"_

Now its closer, but a little more to my left. I change directions and make it a few more yards. I feel excitement and relief at the thought of being able to go home after this endless shift, but the feelings are short lived. I am almost there when I misstep and make my first mistake of the day.

"_Snap!"_

I freeze. The sound of the twig breaking underfoot seemed to echo and, for a moment, everything was as still as death. Eyes closed and breath held, I don't move a muscle, not wanting to loose my game after hours of tracking and stealth.

I wait.

And wait.

And wait some more.

I dearly hope it went un- noticed when the wind decides to screw me over further by sending a harsh breeze through the field, tousling my hair and sending my foreign scent into the air for all wildlife to smell. I let out a small breath and cross my fingers tightly, hoping that it went by undetected.

Then comes the eruption of noise.

Birds started chirping wildly, alerting all of the animals that a predator was nearby. I hear a small family of foxes barking at the other end of the field, running back into the safe confines of the woods. My boar starts to run and I am quick to follow, running as fast as I can. I look up and I can see the arrows of my fellow hunters in the air as they shot the birds that flew madly in a panicked frenzy, reminding me to pull out my own weapons. Still running, I simultaneously reach behind me for my spear with my right hand and pull out one of my many throwing knives with my left.

I catch up to my boar and can now clearly see it. I'm so close! I veer over to the right and run faster, only pausing long enough to quickly throw my spear. I hear it impale the poor animal and have little time to smile at my success before my momentum causes me to trip over my own feet and fall rather ungracefully to the ground.

Hard.

"Dammit!" I scream, landing on my bad arm. I try to stand up but cry out again. The shooting pains are so intense and paralyzing. I feel tears prick at my eyes and I'm frozen in shock for a minute, the pain getting the better of me.

Breathing hard from the pain and tightly gripping my right shoulder, it takes me a few moments to gather my bearings. Sharply inhaling as I unlock myself from my tight fetal position, I force my self to stand, grab my dropped knife and stagger over to the boar.

"Oh, no." I whisper upon finding it still alive and suffering, moaning for its pain to end. My aim was off by a few centimeters, missing its heart and causing my own to clench. It was suffering all because I wasn't careful enough. It wouldn't be the first someone had to suffer for my mistake. I quickly make my way over to it- her, its a girl, I notice- and swiftly but smoothly pull the spear out. She doesn't even respond with a noise, the pain already too much for her and making my eyes sting even more with tears. I pull out one of my daggers and reluctantly ready it for what I am about to do next.

"Shh, shhhhhhh," I coo, trying my best to sooth her while choking on the lump in my throat. Its times like these where I really hate my job. "It's going to be okay... Shhhhh... I'm sorry..." Blinking the tears away, I position my knife over her heart, "I'm so sorry..."

And then I end it, with a few stray tears streaming down my face.

After all these years, I still can't handle it. No matter what the others say, I will never get used to the killing. Even if they are just animals, they have families, children that they need to feed and care for.

But so do I.

"Clear!"

"Clear!"

"Clear!" I hear the other hunters in my group call out.

"Clear!" I call out my own. My voice is slightly raspy from the tears and running. "I've got a boar! I need help carrying it!" I cover my face and wipe away my tears before the others see them, further smearing the red berries on my face. We always look like bloody massacres at the end of our shifts.

When I look up I see the tall grass shifting, signaling my help coming near.

"I'm here." I say, leading them closer to me.

Not long after I see Lee and Sparrow break into the small clearing with impressed looks on their faces at the sight of my kill.

"Nice work, Hun." Sparrow praises after seeing my kill, making me smile at his praise. Being the oldest in his late 40's and most experienced in our team, he is our leader and had many scars to prove it. But despite his rough appearance, everyone knows that on the inside, he is a big softy. He's like a second father to everyone.

"Looks like you missed though." Lee then teased while surveying my work and brushing some of his wavy blonde hair out of his face.

With a fake frown I scoffed and gave him a slight shove with my good arm, mocking insult. He is my best friends husband and has no problem making fun of me when he gets the chance. And despite him being 3 years my senior, he tends to act much younger. It's sometimes impossible to believe that he's a married man expecting a baby.

Sparrow snorted at Lee's comment. "Like you have ever caught a boar before, kid." He defended me with a smirk. "She's already got 2 this season!" Slightly put out, Lee then huffed and dramatically rolled his eyes while I smiled triumphantly then stuck my tongue out at him with a stuck up "Ha!", gladly rubbing it in.

"Come on, lets get out of here." He just mutters in return, choosing to ignore my jabs at his ego. I know he's trying to think of a response though.

We quickly bagged the boar and started making our way back home for the day, joking and teasing each other on the way. After trekking for several miles, we reach the gate by sunset and let the peacekeepers do a headcount before letting us in.

On the other side of the gate we enter a small brick building full of tables covered in scales and peacekeepers. Making our way over to one of the many tables, we groan in relief and place the really heavy boar on it.

"Thanks guys." I say gratefully to Lee and Sparrow. They both nod in return and make their ways over to their own tables.

"Name." The peacekeeper behind mine said.

"Arien Lockett." I say.

"This yours?" He continues to ask in a dull voice, gesturing to the boar.

"Yes. This too." I reply, pulling a smaller but full bag over my shoulder. There were some blood stains on it and he grimaced at the sight. Looks like we both really hate our jobs.

He took his time weighing and appraising all of my game before moving onto the boar. I start to get impatient, rocking back and fourth and twiddling my fingers behind my back. After punching in some numbers and signing a small slip of paper he finally hands it to me and I snatch it quickly, eager to get out of here.

"Next!" he calls out, clearly dismissing me.

Looking down at the slip saying how much made, I feel a burst of disappointment and any excitement leave my gut after seeing the numbers.

"Wait a second," I say with a frown on my face, "You cut my check by a fourth!"

"So?" He sighs, seemingly frustrated that I am still there.

"So?" I reply incredulously with a rising voice, my growing frustration starting to show. "I am being underpaid! I met my quota! You have more than enough meat to send to the capitol!" By now I am near yelling and some other peacekeepers are making their way towards me.

He just rolls his eyes at me like I'm an idiot, and I feel my temper rise some more. "Look sweetheart, there are two wounds in this pig. One more than there should be, and for that I am cutting your check."

"By a fourth? An extra wound calls for one eighth of a cut, not a fucking fourth!" People are starting to stare now and the peacekeeper is starting to look really pissed off, but I really don't care

"Well you should work on your aim then, Girl. Or maybe I just don't like you." He voice is getting nasty now and is causing my anger to inflate. He is starts to lean towards me and continues, "So, you better get a move on and take what you can get before I decide to cut some more." He gestures for the other peacekeepers to come and force me out. They grab my arms tightly and pull me towards the other side of the room. I'm still furious, but I don't bother fighting them. I'm already burned out enough from working a full 12 hours and besides, I better not make the situation worse. I'm already hopelessly screwed enough as it is.

"And remember, Girl, there is always Tesserae!" The peacekeeper's mocking voice is the last thing I hear before I am harshly thrown into another, smaller room. This one is full of teller stands where we collect our money after each shift. I hand in my slip and quickly grab my pitiful amount of money with shaking hands before storming out of the building and into the twilight. I furiously pace back and fourth while fuming at nothing in particular and crying out in anger every few seconds.

Oh god, why does it have to be like this? I hardly make enough money for me and my brother to have two small meals every day and now at this rate I will be working even more overtime, leaving me with only three and a half hours of sleep every night and and only one hour with my brother everyday. I am going to age prematurely, I just know it.

Fuck.

I tiredly make my way over to the building and lean against it while slowly rubbing my pained right arm. Tears once again make their way down my cheeks and I bring my hands to my chest, pulling a heart shaped locket out of my shirt and trace the intricate designs on the outside before opening it. Inside are pictures of me on the right side and my brother on the left. Joseph smiles at me with his happy blue eyes and I can't help but smile back through my tears. I love this picture of him. His slightly curled hair is a little messy (as always) and a small birthmark barely made its self known through his dark hairline. I look at his picture for a few more moments, then I shift my eyes slightly to the right where I see myself. I looked somewhat happy in this picture, but that was only because Joey was there with me. My lips are curved into a small smile, my eyes are less tired and my features are fuller, probably because I was working a little less back then, one year ago. But as hard as things are now, I would never go back then, when _he_ was alive, my father...

"Hey." Lee's voice pulled me out of my dreary reverie and I quickly snap the locket shut while wiping the tears off my face. "I saw what happened. You okay?" He asks with concerned green eyes.

"Yeah." I answer quietly with a forced smile. "Lets go."

The walk to his house was silent, but not awkward and we made it there in under 5 minutes. We let ourselves into the small house and I smile a genuine smile as the first thing I see upon entering is my Joey.

"Arie!" he yells in excitement launches himself towards me.

"Hey bud." I say into his hair and hold his small ten year old frame close to me. His embrace makes me feel warm and I never want to let go.

"Hi Arien." I look up to see my very pregnant best friend waddle her way into the room and smile at me.

"June," I reply, putting Joseph down mad make my over to embrace her too, careful not to poke her protruding belly with one of my several knives. That would be bad. "Thanks again for watching him. I owe you."

She simply rolled her eyes in response and shushes me before handing me a wet rag to wipe my berry covered face on. I make a quick job of cleaning my face and open my eyes to Lee and June sharing a warm embrace and a kiss. Joey is making gagging sounds, but I know better. He would never let anyone else know, thinking it would make him look sissy, but he is actually a very affectionate boy.

"Nice to see you too, Joey." Lee joked once they finished and ruffled his hair. He quickly pecked his wife's large belly before taking the rag from me and wiping his own face.

"You used raspberries today?" June asked after licking her lips.

"Yeah." I reply with a smirk. She licks them again as I expected her to, but this time she grimaces.

"And Grass?"

"Sorry Hun." Lee says through the rag on his face with a chuckle.

"Ewww..." She whispers, vigorously wiping her lips and I snort in amusement.

Joseph starts to gather his backpack and I start to subconsciously rub my right shoulder while watching. The pain is still there and unfortunately, the gesture doesn't get past June.

"Is it bothering you again?" She asked in a hushed tone, coming closer to me with concern in her eyes.

"Just a little." I lied. She doesn't look convinced.

"Maybe you should take a day off and-"

"I can't, June." I cut her off, my voice taking a harder edge and my annoyance starting to rise. I'm getting tired of having this conversation all the time, but I look her in the eyes and start to feel a little bad at seeing her slightly hurt expression. She's not trying to annoy me. She's just worried. "You know why I can't." I continue with a softer tone, trying to make up fir snapping.

"I know." She says in a defeated tone. "Just be more careful, okay?" I guess she is just as tired of this conversation as I am. She skipped the lecture.

"Okay." I relent. I then turn to Jo. "Come on Joey, we gotta go. I gotta be at the square in the morning." I sigh at the statement, remembering what day it is tomorrow. Just the thought makes me want to puke.

I walk over to Lee and give him a quick hug, then move onto June. They both give my their good lucks and love and I try to smile reassuringly to them, but I know it looks forced. Despite them both being safe from the reaping, I know they still worried for me. But I don't have much faith this year. I have taken so much tesserea I wouldn't be surprised if more half of the names in the bowl were mine. The odds are definitely not in my favor. The thought makes me grip Joey's hand tighter as we make out way out of the house, waving and saying our bye's and I love you's.

We walk for about 20 minutes before we reach our tiny log cabin. Joey runs in and immediately starts getting ready for bed. He's tired, I notice. June probably had him help with chores after picking him up from school. Not that he really minds though. Like me he has a hard time staying still for long stretches of time, and now we we're both pooped.

I take my time removing my many weapons. Reaching behind me, I pull out my spear and put it on the rack that leans against the wall next to several others. I pull off the shoulder strap that holds a large club and put that on the hook next to it. I move down to my waist and unfasten the belt that carries multiple throwing knives and unbuckle the thigh holsters that carries my two daggers. I almost forget about the two hunting knives I carried in my boots. Damn, I have a lot of weapons.

I then make my way to our small bedroom and remove my pants and shirt, replacing them with only an over sized t shirt. I would've bathed sooner, but I don't have the energy. I'll do that in the morning. I plop onto my bed and am almost out before I hear Joey enter the room and sit himself on the foot of my bed.

"Whats up?" I ask in a tired voice with closed eyes. They feel like a million pounds.

"Are you going to be picked tomorrow?"

"..."

What did he say?

The question causes my eyes to snap open and I can feel the shock I feel make its way across my face. How could he know? The somber look on his face has me sitting up and embracing him in a second. He rests his head on my shoulder and I press my face into his hair.

"Why would you say that?" I ask in a shocked whisper.

I hear him scoff before he pulls away from me, looking insulted.

"I'm not stupid Arie. I know where you get all of the extra grain and food from." His tone is harder now and I'm having a hard time hiding the guilt from on face. Dammit, I should have known better that to try and hide it from him. I know he's smarter than that. I sigh and rest my head in my hands, unable to look back without him seeing my shame.

"I'm sorry Jo, but I didn't really have a choice." I plead to defend myself. I finally look up at him, trying to convey through my dark brown eyes how much I am willing to give up for him. "I can't let you starve! I promised Mom I would take care of you!" I raise my voice a little, trying to keep my voice from sounding so desperate.

"How will you take care of me if you are in the games Arien?" He yells back. He looks so angry, but there are tears in his broken eyes now and I can feel my own heart breaking. I put my head back in my hands to hide my own tears. I am crying way too much today.

"I don't know, Joseph... I just... I don't know..." My voice sounds choked and defeated. I hate him seeing me like this. He shouldn't have to see me crying and weak. I am supposed to be strong for him, to protect him from heartache. As it turns out, I'm doing the opposite.

I feel him grab my chin and force me to look into his clear blue eyes. Mom's eyes. Looking into them, I realized how long it's been since I've really seen him. Since I spent time with him. Since I understood him. They aren't as innocent anymore, his eyes. Not after all of the years of work we had to do. All of the years meager meals and hardships that no 10 year old boy should have to face. All of the years of me working all hours of the day hunting and tracking until I nearly pass out. All of the years of witnessing the beatings our alcoholic father inflicted upon me while I had him hide in a corner to protect him. I see the guilt he feels for not being able to do anything. I see how he regrets not helping me and I am so angry with him for feeling that way. But the tears are too strong by now.

"Don't you dare think like that Joseph Lockett." I nearly sob, reading him like an open book. I pull him to me and we both lay down on my bed and cry in each others arms. How could he think like that? "I don't regret any of it, you hear me?" I feel him nod against my shoulder. That's not enough.

"Say it." I demand in a slightly harder voice.

"I h-hear you." He says in between shaky breaths. I cradle him and kiss the top of his head.

"No matter where I go, I will always come back to you. You know that."

"You promise?" He asks, looking back up at me.

I don't know.

Can I?

Should I?

He is noticing my hesitation and is starting to cry even harder. Wanting nothing more than the tears to stop, I just blurt it out without thinking.

"I promise."

I already regret those words.

He lays his head on my shoulder again and I silently start to cry harder, seizing by body so he won't feel the shakes of my silent sobs. I don't know if I will be able to keep this promise, but I don't know what else to say to put his mind at rest. Would I be able to kill in the arena? I can hardly kill animals, and if I kill a person, I think like I would loose the one thing that keeps me human and sane after all the years of doing my job. I don't know if that makes me weak, but I do know it could be then end of me and quite possibly, the end of him.

But I don't know what else to say.

So I leave it at that, and we fall asleep in each others arms.

* * *

**So, what do you think! Love it? Hate it? Please let me know what you thing. There is nothing I appreciate that constructive criticism and encouraging words! And please let me know if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes. Editing is a bitch.**

**P.S. I didn't know what District 9 contributed to the Capitol, so I made it Hunting. I hope you guys don't mind! :) **

**-IAmTheStars**


	2. The Day We Died

******Wow! 4 subscriptions, 3 favorites and a review? Has Christmas come early? Thanks so much everyone! **

**Nelle07: Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review. :) You have no idea how happy that makes me. And harvest huh? Well that's quite the difference from Hunting, isn't it? But I think I'm going to stick with hunting. They don't call this fanfiction for nothing! :) Thank you again for showing interest in my story. :D**

**Oh, and someone messaged me and asked how to pronounce Arien's name: Air-ee-un. I Hope this helps! **

**Disclaimer: Yes, I did write The Hunger Games and have had a movie made based on my novel and have made millions. (Note the sarcasm)**

* * *

"_SMACK!"_

"What the fuc-?"

I wake up to a hard, unexpected slap in the face on reaping day. What a great start. I don't think much of it. Joseph has always been a restless sleeper, so I try to fall back asleep. It doesn't work though. His kicking becomes more frantic and I am forced to open my eyes when I receive a very painful jab in the ribs. I open my eyes and after giving them a few seconds to adjust, I see my Joseph writhing in my arms, his eyes still closed, trying to escape whatever demons chase him in his dreams.

"Jo?"

"Stop hurting her! Please!" He yells out with fear in his voice, scaring me half to death. "Stop!"

Oh... He was having that dream again. The dream where our father is still here, still abusing and still torturing us. It breaks my heart to see him so scared like this. To know that I even can't protect him from his dreams, from his own mind, scares me because I am supposed to protect him from everything. I made a promise to our dying mother to do so, and it seems that I'm not doing a very good job, doesn't it?

"Joey? Joey! Please wake up!" I cry out frantically. "It's just a dream. You're only dreaming..." I sit up and try to shake him awake while muttering soothing words, hoping to ease him out of his nightmare like I have so many times in the past. This is nothing new. His lets out a small shriek before his eyes shoot open, so much fear and pain evident in them. He immediately bolts into my arms with tears in his eyes and beads of sweat on his forehead. "Shhhhhhh, shh, I got you. I got you, you're safe, he can't hurt us anymore..." I coo while rocking us back and forth and trying to calm both our panicked breathing.

"He was still here, Arie! He was hurting you again!" He says into my chest, his voice and body trembling.

"I know. I know, but he's not. He's not here anymore. You were just dreaming... Just dreaming." I say while trying to maintain my faltering soothing tone.

"But it was so real!" He cries, winding his arms around my waist. I press my lips to his head and grip him tighter.

"But it's not real, Jo. He can't hurt us anymore. He died last summer. He's gone." He shakes and cries for a few minutes. I can't tell if the trembles are coming from me or him, but we slowly calm and regain a steady heartbeat, much to my relief. He inhales shakily then looks up at me with still teary eyes but a slightly softer expression. I try to smile to comfort him and it seems to calm him a little more, which calms me in return. Slowly, He brings one of his hinds up and traces the scar that circles around my right eye, then the other on my left jawline. All the while my eyes are closed, enjoying the feeling of his soft hands on my face, not yet calloused and scarred from years of hunting like mine were. I wish they would stay like this forever. When I open them, I can see regret and guilt in his eyes and I feel my calm state start to fade once more. Why does he still think like this? It slightly angers me to know that he feels that way and blames himself for those scars. What do I have to do to make him stop thinking like that?

"I'm sorry." he whispers while cupping cheek, saying the exact words I know he should never say. I lean into his hand and inhale softly.

"Don't say that," I whisper back while grabbing his hand, pressing my forehead to his and looking him straight in the eyes, "Never say that."

He doesn't respond, but simply rests his head on my shoulder and sighs. I sigh too, and we lay there for an hour, just holding each other, both knowing this could be the last time we ever do.

The off tune toll of our clock brings us out of out silent reverie and tells us that we only have a few hours before the reaping. I let out a frustrated breath. Neither of us wants to get ready yet.

"You take a bath first. I'll get us something to eat." I say while giving him a slight squeeze. He sighs again, then reluctantly untangles himself from my arms, giving me one last meaningful look before leaving me in the alone in our room.

* * *

We walk slowly to the town square, partly because of the uneven dirt roads and partly because of our reluctance to leave each other. We purposely take deliberately small, slow steps, trying to buy more time. But before I know it, we are already there.

Damn.

"Go find June and Lee." I say softly and squeeze his hand.

"'Kay." He responds quietly, looking down and purposely avoiding my eyes. I frown and can't help but feel little hurt at the gesture, or lack thereof.

I watch him leave and don't take my eyes off him until I see him reach June and Lee. I see Lee lift him up and place him on his shoulders and June reach up and take his hand. I smile sadly. I think he will be well taken care of if I'm gone.

I nervously adjust my now clean ponytail and try the best I can to smooth my only, slightly wrinkled, green sundress before making my way over to sign in. They make quick work of taking my blood and I slowly make my way over to the 17 year old section, trying to appear calm, but the giant screen showcasing every kids nervous expression doesn't help. So I just close my eyes, choosing to ignore the faces and silently hope for a good outcome, as unlikely as it may seem.

"_Boom!"_

Our district escort, Alanzo Mercury, harshly taps the microphone to get everyone's attention, causing me to jump and snap my eyes open, forcing me to face this.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen!" He starts with his ridiculous capitol accent, "Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor!" He ends that last sentence with an obnoxious laugh that is curiously high pitched for a man. I can't help rolling my eyes and resisting the urge to cover my ears. "Before we get started, I have brought you all an amazing film, all the way from the Capitol!"

I shut my brain again off for this part, having already seen this film more times than I care to say, but my thoughts take a terrifying turn even though I try to avoid them. _"What will happen to Jo if I'm gone? Will he be okay? Will I be okay?..." _I start to get lost in my worrying thoughts, and am nearly lost to the world when I'm suddenly thrust back to reality by Alnanzo's loud voice exclaiming, "Ladies first!" Shit, is it that time already! I see him reach his hand into the girls giant fish bowl and I sharply inhale with anxiety. With every fancy twist and flick of his wrist, my stomach turns and I start to feel nauseous. My head spins and I'm nearly about to throw up when he finally chooses one at the very bottom.

Now the gravity of the situation is finally weigh down on me. I wipe my sweaty palms on my dress and I tightly close my eyes while trying to control my erratic breaths. But I can't. I can't breathe at all. Everything in the inside of my body has frozen up. My lungs, my mind, and my heart have all stopped working. Seeing him slowly walk back to the microphone is torture. He is doing it on purpose. He is torturing us. He may not know it, but he is. Oh god. Oh god, it's going to be me. I know it will. Me. My name will be on that slip of paper. He is going to say it. My name. _Arien Lockett._

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me, Jo.

Alanzo opens the slip of paper.

He smiles.

And...

"Arien Lockett!"

...I am so sorry, Jo...

* * *

Time seems to speed up after hearing my name. My entire body becomes numb and I can't feel anything. I don't even realize that I'm moving until I reach the stage and Alanzo grabs my hand, pulling me up the steps and halfway back to reality. I hardly hear him call out for volunteers and don't even care that no one does. All I can think about right now is finding Jo. My eyes swiftly scan the crowd, looking for any sign of him. Where is he! In the back? In front? Where-! ...There he is. I finally spot him in the back, still on Lee's shoulders. Our eyes meet and everything else goes out of focus. He has a defeated and resigned look on his teary face, one that tells me he knew all along that this would happen. That I would be chosen. But I guess we both did. It was only a matter of time before all that tesserae caught up with me. I'm sorry...

Unable to look any longer I shift my eyes over to my left and see that the boy tribute has already been chosen. I know him. Iron Moore. He is one year older than me, 18. He is huge, 6'3, pure muscle and one of our strongest hunters. He has short black hair and the dark eyes of a dangerous predator. He looks at me like I am a nothing but a small, pathetic little bird that he hunts on a daily basis. He makes me feel Weak. Fragile. Hopeless. We shake hands and I almost cry out when he tightly grips mine. Almost. His eyes bore into mine and without saying anything, he tells me that he will destroy me.

I believe him.

* * *

"3 minutes." The peacekeeper announces before letting Lee and June into my room in the Justice building.

"Where's Jo?" I immediately ask, standing up from my seat. Why isn't he here with them?

"He wanted to see you alone." June explains, doing little to calm my slight panic, the closest thing I have felt to an emotion since being reaped. I must still be in shock. Her voice is shaking and I look up her tall frame see tear tracks on her face. I quickly embrace my best friend gently and bury my face in her thick, light brown hair, inhaling her familiar scent of strawberries. I love that smell.

"I am so sorry, Arie!" She then sobs, Breaking down in my arms with me supporting most of her weight. Shouldn't this be the other way around? I pull away from her and make sure that she is looking back at me before I reply with a hopefully hard expression.

"I need you to watch over him." I don't specify who, she knows who I am talking about. I try to keep my voice strong and emotionless and thankfully, I seem to be succeeding. "If I don't come bac-"

"Don't say that!" she interrupts, a brief look of outrage crossing her face.

"Listen to me, June!" I grip her shoulders tightly. My voice is cracking now and I am finally starting to feel some other form of emotion. Frustration perhaps? "I need to know someone will always be there for him. If I don't, then..." I swallow hard. "Then I don't think I will be strong enough to make it." I struggle to get those last words out and I can see her eyes widen at the thought. I don't want to scare her, but I think this is the only way I will be able to get my message across. She has always been so stubborn.

"I will Arie, I promise." She finally replies after studying me for a few moments. I bring her in for another hug and almost don't let go. She is my best friend, how could I?

"Thank you."

We finally part and and I feel Lee place a hand on my shoulder from behind. I had almost forgotten he was in the room. I turn around and for the first time since knowing him, I see him crying. The tears shock me for a moment and I quickly realize what a great friend he has turned out to be, and how much he now means to me. He's apart of my family now. The family that I might just loose.

Gripping both my shoulders, he places a quick kiss to my forehead before saying, "You can win this Arie. You are an excellent hunter and I know you can do things that others can't. You're both right and left handed and no one can throw a knife like you can. Use those strengths to your advanta- Hey! Look at me!" He commands when I start to look down. I look back up and see nothing but worry and care in his eyes. He really is a good friend. "Come back to us. Please." I nod and try to swallow the giant lump in my throat. I embrace and kiss them both on the cheek one last time before the peacekeeper comes back and escorts them out, not before both of them turning around giving me one final wave.

Hardly a minute later the door opens again with my next visitor in tow. But yet again, it's not my Joe.

"Sparrow!" I say in surprise with wide eyes. His black hair is a little mussed and his eyes are bloodshot, but those are the only signs that he had been crying. He immediately steps towards me with open arms and envelopes me in a big hug, which I return and bury my face in his hard chest.

"How you holdin' up, Hun?" He asks in a scratchy, teary voice while nearly swallowing me in his giant arms.

"I'm okay." I say into his shirt. I hear him snort in disbelief. "Really, I am." I lie again, gripping him tighter.

"Yeah, okay." He mutters sarcastically. He always says that whenever he doesn't believe something I say and I can't help but crack a small smile at the sentiment. He clears hit throat and looks at me sternly.

"You stay alive, Understand?" He then asks, using his team leader voice and pulls away to make sure I am paying attention.

"Yes sir." I respond. He holds his right hand out for me to shake and I take it with my left. After giving it a firm shake, He surprises me by pulling me in for one last hug and pecks me on the crown of my head. He never was a man of many words.

"Be strong, My Girl." He mutters, holding me tight. He releases me soon after and with that I am once again left alone, anxiously awaiting my next visitor.

After a few never ending minutes of waiting, I start pacing back and fourth across the small room, taking deep breaths that seem to do nothing for my jumbling nerves. Is Jo going to be angry? Sad? Screaming? Or will he not feel anything at all? Will he miss me? Will He-?

"Arie?"

I jump and quickly turn around, all thoughts leaving my mind. I didn't even hear him enter the room. My Joey.

"Oh, Joey!" I cry out and collapse to my knees with my arms wide open. He falls right into them and I immediately feel the fabric on my shoulder start to dampen with his tears. "I am so sorry, Jo! I'm sorry I have to leave you!" I apologize into his hair. My voice sounds strangled and I am trying my hardest not to cry. I don't want his last memory of me to be one where I'm crying. He deserves better than that. He needs me to be strong, even if don't feel that way.

God, this is so hard!

"You n-need to try and w-win, please, A-arie." He can hardly force the words out, and I can feel his body convulse from trying to contain his sobs.

"I will, I will," I respond quickly, wanting to ask him one important thing before out time together is over. "but I need you to do something important for me." I pull away, grab his chin and force him to look at me.

"What?" he whispers, his blue eyes apprehensive.

I take a deep breath. "Don't watch, Joseph." I whisper back, looking back at him. "Don't watch the games."

His eyes widen and he starts to shake his head. "But-!"

"No!" I nearly yell, cutting him off and giving him a little shake, "Listen to me! I don't want you to! I know it's a hard think to ask, but I can't have you seeing me like that, Please, Joe!" I'm almost choking on the lump in my throat, but I can't cry. Not now. "Promise me." I give him another little shake.

He hesitates and I can see him try to think of an argument, but after seeing the pleading expression on my face, he just sighs sadly.

"I promise." He says, looking at the floor.

I sigh in relief. "And I promise to always come back to you." I promise once again, even though it is an empty promise. One that I regretfully may not be able to keep. God, I'm a terrible sister. "And I will always have you here with me." I remind him with a lighter voice, pointing to the locket that rests on my chest.

He lifts up his hand and fingers the locket for a second with a thoughtful expression, my favorite expression of his. It only lasted a few seconds though, soon morphing into one of heartbreak and I'm sure mine does the same but I can't help it. He makes a choking sound before breaking into another round of tears and tightly taking hold me once more. I try to put as much love and strength into my hold as I possibly can, hoping that it is enough.

"_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry."_ I beg myself as I hold onto him for dear life. I look up, trying to blink away my years before pulling away and quickly kissing him on the lips, them on the forehead.

"Times up." I hear a peacekeeper say from the door way, announcing the arrival of the time I have been dreading. The time where I have to let go of my Joseph.

"No! Please!" Joseph yells, clinging onto me. The peacekeeper grabs him and starts to yank him out of my arms. "Arien!" He calls my name while trying to struggle out of the peacekeepers hold.

"Don't hurt him!" I yell at the desperately at the peacekeeper, worried for his Joey's safety. Joseph still continues to fight, even when they nearly reach the door. I start to reach out for him, trying to quickly get one more message out before he leaves me. "Be strong! You hear me? I love you so much, Jo-!"

"_Slam!"_

And he's gone. My Joseph is gone, possibly forever.

My breathing is heavy and and uneven and I am feeling lightheaded. I'm still on my knees and I can't find the strength to stand up again. My strength left with him. My hands are shaking and my thoughts are going in all terrible directions, one in particular standing out, refusing to leave my mind. I could be dead within the next month. Me and 22 other kids. Gone. Dead. Forever. This is the day where we say our final goodbyes. This is the day our fates are set in stone. This is the day where are lives are forfeit.

This is the day we died.

* * *

**I know this chapter is a bit depressing, but I promise things will get better! Oh, and do you see that button down below? The one that says "Review this chapter"? Well if you click that, then you get to tell me what you think of my story so far! Neat, Huh? So did you love it? Hate it? Click the button and let me know! :)**

**-IAmTheStars**


	3. What Is The Right Question?

**Hi. :) I'm sorry for the delay, but life keeps getting in the way and ideas for this story keeps changing, causing me to alter every sentence I write. But I finally finished this chapter and I hope you enjoy! And don't forget to tell me what you think!**

**Nelle07: So you cried? I guess that's a good thing... You're welcome? :)**

** Disclaimer: If I wrote the hunger games, I wouldn't be driving a 25 year old car that used to belong to my parents and is the color of puke. **

* * *

"_How the hell did I get here?" _

That is the first thought that comes to mind when I am violently jerked out of my stupor by a train starting up. When did I even get on a train? I don't even remember leaving the justice building, let alone riding in a car (which I have never done before) and boarding a train (which I have also never done before in my life). I must have blanked out.

Senses slowly coming back to me, I slowly look around, hardly registering the luxury items that surround me or the plush royal blue chair that I sit in. Nothing brings any emotion or feeling out of me. Alanzo, who I notice is in the compartment with me and Iron, seems to be talking, but his voice sounds like distant echoes and and I can only catch snippets of his one sided conversation like, "So wonderful..." "200 miles per hour and..." "Is she...?" "Hello...?" "Seems pretty out of it..." "That's normal...Happens all the time..." I think he's talking about me.

He leaves soon after that, probably to get our mentor, leaving me and Iron alone for the first time since the reaping. We wait in silence and it doesn't take long for me to feel his hard stare in the side of my face. Without thinking, I turn my eyes over to his and can see the still present determination to win in them, the determination to beat me. But I still don't feel anything in return. No fear, no anger, no hopelessness. Just nothing.

I can't feel anything anymore, and surprisingly, I don't care.

After what seems like hours of simply staring at each other, neither of out eyes wavering and the only sound in the room being our soft breathing, the compartment door opens and in walks Marvin Hughes, our one and only mentor. Being the hunting district, you'd think we'd have more victors, but we don't. The careers usually get to them early in the games.

"I'm Marvin." He states once he approaches us. His voice is gruff, but not harsh. It kinda has comforting quality to it. It's nice. Having only seen him from a distance, I notice many other new things about him as well. Like how his brown hair has seems to have some premature gray in it, and how he is still surprisingly fit despite being well into his 40's. He sits in the seat across from us and looks at us expectantly for a few seconds, waiting for something.

What?

"I'm Iron." Iron replies in his deep voice with his usual hard stare, getting the clue first. Marvin nods, then turns his light brown eyes to me.

"Arien." I give my name in an emotionless voice, finally catching on.

Marvin inhales deeply and takes his time looking us over, probably trying to estimate our strengths and weaknesses. His eyebrows knit together in thought and he brings his hand to his chin, rubbing the greyish brown scruff that grows there.

"How many years have each of you been hunting?" He then asks. His voice isn't demanding though, just curious.

"Six" Iron says first.

"Five."

"Okay," Marvin says quietly while nodding, "We're going to start tomorrow. Right now, I want you yo get some rest. You both have had a long day and the next few aren't going to be much different." He is about to stand, but is interrupted by Iron.

"I want to start now."

"Excuse me?" Marvin with a confused frown at Iron's unexpected request and he sounds a little insulted. Even I raise my eyebrows at this.

"I want to start now," Iron repeats in in a harder voice, demanding. "I want to win this and I can't do that if I don't get a head start."

"You also can't win if you don't listen to what your mentor has to offer." Marvin shoots back in a more frustrated voice. "If you don't hear what I have to say, then you might as well go into the arena blindfolded. And right now, I say we start tomorrow."

Iron just scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Why should I listen to you, anyway? Not one person from our district has won since you. I have no reason to trust you." His tone is now mocking and his expression is angry. He doesn't seem to like out mentor very much.

"Well maybe that's because they have all been like you. Stubborn and unwilling to listen!"That last comment from Iron seems to really have pissed Marvin off and I don't really blame him. That was a pretty low blow.

The air between them is tense and Iron is positively fuming by now. Muscles tense, nostrils flared, he gives Marvin one last searing glare before standing up and storming out of the compartment, passing an entering Alanzo on the way.

"What's up with him?" Alanzo asks, his animated face looking confused. Marvin only gives a frustrated sigh as a reply, resting his head in his hands.

"Where's my room?" I ask in a quiet voice. The tense atmosphere is getting to me and I don't want to be in it any longer.

"Two cars that way." Alanzo tells me and points at the door behind me, opposite of the one that Iron left through much to my relief. And I thought my temper was bad.

I get up and quickly make my way over to the door. It opens automatically and I can't help but marvel at it for a few seconds before walking through it. I turn around, wanting to see it close by itself too and notice Marvin lift his head up to look at me. Our eyes meet, and his apologetic gaze is the last thing I see before the door closes.

* * *

I don't know what to do with my self once I reach my room. I just enter and simply seat myself on the softest bed I have ever touched and take in my surroundings. I look around and see an open closet full of clothes of every size, shape and color. There is a bathroom that has so many new and foreign things that I can't even begin to describe them all. It's amazing. Truly. Everything looks wonderful, but despite being surrounded by so many beautiful and soft things, I still feel nothing. Not one thing. Even when I walk into the bathroom, turn the shower on to the hottest setting, take off my dress and step into it, I am indifferent to the burning water that turns my skin red. I stay like this for hours, my skin turning wrinkly under the hot shower, trying to wash away this situation, I guess. I'm not really sure. But soon the water starts to finally turn cold and my red skin starts to burn even worse with the sudden change in temperature. I step out and dry myself before making my way over to the closet and dressing in some new undergarments, a flowing blue shirt and some tight black pants. I slip on a pair of black slippers and sigh. I'm back to square 1. What the hell am I going to do with my self?

I sigh. Out of the corner of my eye I see blurring images. It's the window. I walk over to it and wonder how fast we are going. Trees and fields pass by in a blur, so fast that I can't even tell what kinds they are. Maybe if I opened the window I would be able to tell easier.

Yes, I'll open the window.

I reach up for the latch and pull on it. It pulls out easily and I move to pull the large window to the side, eager to open it all the way, but it only moves a few inches. Hardly enough to even stick my head out. I try to move it again. And again. But it doesn't open any wider. No matter how hard I pull.

Why the hell would they do this?

My breathing starts to become hard and I am suddenly so angry. Furious, even. So much so that I don't even try to push it back. I just want to hurt something.

"GOD DAMMIT!" I screech while slamming my hand onto the glass, choosing it as my victim, but it does nothing to open it further. I keep hitting it, slamming and ramming into it, but it doesn't even crack and that just frustrates me even more. I keep trying though, for a half hour I do until I can no longer can. My hands are beet red and sore and my right arm is once again killing me. I'm breathing hard and I'm so tired that I don't make it to the bed to lay down. I instead fall to the floor with a final broken cry and curl up into a fetal position, my anger fading and leaving me yearning for comfort. I'm an idiot. The window probably doesn't open all the way to keep me and the other tributes from doing what I was just about to do. And who am I kidding? I wasn't opening the window of a speeding train to simply identify what trees grow out side.

No. Not even close.

Why am I here? Why is this happening to me?

I'm so weak.

"Knock, knock!" The voice causes me to jerk violently in surprise, but I still remain in my position on the floor. The door opens I look up to see Alanzo. Oh, Joy. He gives me a strange look when he sees me on the floor, but quickly brushes it off like it happens all the time. Maybe it does.

"Yeah?" I answer back, my voice uninterested, still burned out from my tantrum.

"They're about to show recaps of the reapings. We're all meeting in the rec. compartment to watch them." He is sounding way too excited and there is a gleeful smile on his face. Probably because he gets to see himself on television. Again.

"I'll be right there." I reply quietly, looking away.

I hear him walk away after that and I slowly stand up, being careful not to put anymore weight on my bad arm. I pull my still damp hair back into its usual ponytail and start to make my way out of my room, taking slow and small steps, reluctant to see so many other unwilling lives sentenced to death.

* * *

The tension between everyone is just as strong, if not stronger, as when I left. Alanzo is sitting in the only armchair and Marvin and Iron are opposite sides of the sofa, leaving me a spot right in between them. Oh, lovely. This should be fun.

The first few reapings go by fast. Of course all the tributes from Districts One and Two volunteer, no surprise there. The boy and girl from one both seem confident and prepared, neither of which I am. They do have ridiculous names though. Marvel and Glimmer. Very modest. The tributes from two are much more intimidating, with the boy being incredibly tall and built. He looks like a blonde version of Iron which is none too comforting. And the girl just looks like a sadistic killing machine.

After that, things start to become more and more heartbreaking, much to my dismay. There were tears and screams and I could finally start to feel other emotions -besides raging anger- that I have been missing since boarding this train. I gasped when a young twelve year old boy was chosen, reminding me of Joseph and how devastated I would be if that happened to him. I had to hold back a whimper when a girl had to be torn from the arms of her brother, and it angered me to see how all of these tributes were treated. Like it was an honor, a privilege to be apart of these games. It's sick. And all the while Alanzo is giving unwanted predictions and and comments that just adds fuel to my angry fire, makeing me want to hit him more and more every time he opens him mouth.

We finally reach District 9, the part I've been most dreading to see. Alanzo finally shuts up for this part and I hold my breath, suddenly forgetting how to exhale. I am tempted to look away from the screen, but my eyes are glued there and I watch again as Alanzo reaches into the bowl and calls out my name with his loud, enthusiastic voice. My face appears of the screen and I see a tiny expression of regret cross my face before it goes totally blank. I slowly start to walk forward with a dead expression, not knowing that I am. I am pulled up onto the stage by Alanzo. I start to look lost as my eyes frantically start searching the crowd, looking for my Joseph. I soon find him and it appears that the cameras do to, following my eyesight and zooming in on his face. And there he is again, with that defeated look on his face. His broken eyes are once again filled with tears and I want to do nothing more than to wipe them away.

But I can't. And its starting to kill me.

I don't realize how hard I've started breathing again until I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. I look over to see Marvin looking at me with concern in his eyes, silently asking if I'm okay. I'm touched at the gesture and slightly nod while swallowing the lump that has formed in my throat. I look back at the screen to see Iron walking up the stairs to the stage, confident and ready to kill.

Why is he so ready?

I don't pay too much attention after that. I'm still trying to fight of my sudden onslaught of emotions and the growing urge to punch Alanzo, who decided to start talking again. Another tribute did stick out to me though. The girl from District 12, Cat- something, who volunteered for her sister. That's a first. Not many people would be brave enough to do that and I could feel my small quota of respect start to swell for her.

"Well, this certainly is an interesting bunch this year? Isn't it?" I let out a hard breath. Why is Alanzo still talking? "Good, bunch of careers, especially the boy from 2. He looks like a winner." Did he really just say that? "And how 'bout that girl from 12, huh?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

Does he expect a response?

"Well, I'm headed to bed," He continues, oblivious to out exasperated stares. "We should arrive at noon tomorrow and we all need to look out best for when we arrive."

"He's right," Marvin adds, speaking for the time since the recaps started. "We need to make a good first impression."

Alanzo then leaves, and Iron soon follows with another cold shoulder and without a word, still trying to ignore any words our mentor has to say. Marvin's right, he is stubborn. And an ass. I get up to leave too but am stopped short by Marvin's voice.

"Hey, can I talk to you real quick?" I look at him in surprise, not expecting the sudden request.

Caught off guard, I respond only with a, "Uh, yeah." before rejoining him on the sofa.

"I'm sorry this happened to you." He starts, looking me straight in the eye while doing so. He says it with such sincerity, both in his voice and on his face, but I just look away and sigh, not really finding it all that comforting.

"Sorry isn't going to change anything."

"I know, But even so." His voice has taken a sad tone and his eyes move the floor.

He looks back up at me after a moment. "That was your brother. That boy who they showed after you were picked." It's not a question, but a statement. A statement that brings back the unwanted memories of what occurred this morning.

"Yeah." I whisper, unable to bring myself to say more. The crushing feeling in my chest is starting to come back and I hate it. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable. I think I liked it better when I was an emotionless doll. Things were more bearable.

"And you're really close." Another statement.

"Were all each other really had for the longest time." I begin. My voice cracks while saying this but I can't help it. "I know he is being taken care of now, but- but..." I have to stop. I can't even finish my sentence, my voice becoming to thick with god awful emotion. "I don't know how to function without him. How to work. Everything I've done, it was all for him." I swallow hard and my words start to rush. "How can care for him now? When I'm here and He's back home. How can I-?" A dry sob escapes my throat, no matter how hard I try to keep it in. I grab at my locket, my one reminder of him that I have. I grip at it so tightly that I can feel my nails digging into my palm, breaking the skin, but I welcome the pain. It's distracting.

"I don't think you're asking the right questions." Marvin tells me while placing his hand on my shoulder. The comment confuses me and I look at him, silently asking for an explanation. "I think the question that you need to ask is how can you come back to him. How you can you beat this, so you can care for him and function again. So you can work again."

"How can I?" I ask the question he gives me, hoping that he can give me the answer as well.

"I can only take you part of the way, Arien." I huff and look down, disappointed at his answer.

"But," He starts again. I look back up at him, once again hopeful -and suffering a sudden emotional whiplash- and wanting my answer. "You need to find out something for your self." He pauses. "What are you fighting for?" He asks. Why would he ask that? I thought it was obvious. "But I guess you already know the answer to that question." He points at my fist, the one holding the locket, already knowing whats inside.

"Joseph." I whisper, giving him my brothers name.

"Remember what you're fighting for, Arien. Who you're fighting for. Remember that you're fighting to go back to Joseph and I promise you, things will become more bearable." Those words really hit home.

I can't forget again, even though I didn't notice that I forgot in the first place.

I nod and inhale shakily. "Thank you." I whisper, finally getting the answer I need.

He nods and pats my shoulder again. "Go to bed. We arrive tomorrow and there are a lot of things we need to go over."

"But what about Iron?"

"He seems pretty set on not accepting my help." He replies with a sad smile. "Looks like you get me all to your self."

"Looks like it." I respond with a small smile of my own. I like him.

I get up to leave again and walk towards the door, but not before giving him another "Thanks." on my way out.

* * *

Back in my room, the first thing I notice is the sudden drop in temperature I feel upon entering. I look across the room and see that the window is still open and cold air still rushing in. The window I tried to kid myself into jumping out of. Yuck. Feeling disgusted with myself, I run across the room and slam it shut. How could I have even thought like that?

What would Joseph say?

Remembering my reason to fight, I take my locket and bring it to my lips, promising my self never to think like that again. Maybe I shouldn't, though. Looks like I'm developing a habit of making promises that I may not be able to keep. Not only to others, but to my self as well. I smile sadly and chuckle at the irony. How pathetic. With a sigh, I remove my clothes and hop into bed in nothing but my bra and underwear, wondering what new and terrible things tomorrow might bring. Wondering if what Marvin said was true. Is it really as simple as that? Just remembering?

Is that a question I should be asking?

* * *

**Please tell me what you think! I would really love some feedback. It encourages and motivates me to update faster.**

**Oh! And if you go onto my Photobucket, I have uploaded pictures for this story and would love it if you guys checked it out! The link is on my profile. :) **

**Thanks for reading! :D**

**-IAmTheStars**


	4. Make Me Forget

**So I'm pretty sure this is the longest chapter I have ever written, and it is all thanks to all the inspiring reviews I got. Thanks so muck everyone!**

**caramellachoco: I am so glad you're loving my story and characters so much. :) I hate reading underdeveloped main characters, and I also am getting tired of seeing other authors making the mentors so negative (no offense to anyone). I thought Marvin would be a nice change. And I know that Irom might seem a bit one dimensional right now, but there is a reason for him acting the way he does and I promise it will be explained soon!**

**NYCstarlet: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy Arien so much! :)**

**Franlucylucci: Cato will be introduced soon, I promise! And thanks for taking the time to review. :) It means a ****lot.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Morning."

"Mmmmm..." I don't bother trying to answer Marvin's greeting with a lucid reply, too tired and emotionally drained to do so. I didn't sleep well last night.

I clumsily make my way over to the table and plop my self down across from Marvin, wearing the same clothes from yesterday, yawning while doing so.

"Didn't sleep well?" He asks through a mouth full of toast.

I shake my head.

"What time is it?" I ask through another yawn while trying to rub some of the sleep put of my eyes. They feel so puffy I can hardly keep them open.

"Eleven. We arrive in an hour." He replies casually.

"Oh, that's good... I was scared I might wake up late and only have like an hour to-"... Wait a second... He did say hour.

One hour.

"Are you serious?" My voice sounds like an ugly hoarse shriek. My eyes are wide and I'm instantly awake and anxious. Really? Only one hour left?

"Yep. So eat up." He replies while smiling an amused smile at my what must have been amusing reaction. I don't think it was very funny. Not at all.

Huffing, I look down at the table and am instantly shell shocked at all the food that is in front of me. All this food could feed both me and Joseph for two weeks! Maybe more. And this is just breakfast for the capitol? I suddenly loose my appetite at the thought. How could I have all this to eat while Jo only gets small slice of grainy bread, half of a dried meat stick, and a glass of water? I can't do that...

But it smells so good...

No. I won't eat it. Not a chance.

"Eat, Arien." Marvin interrupts my thoughts in a commanding voice and I look back up at him in shock. Can he read minds?

"I know what you're thinking and I know how you're feeling right now," He starts again, the authority still in his voice. "But you need to take advantage of this small opportunity to get your strength up before the arena, 'kay? You won't make it past the cornucopia if you keep on eating the way you did back home."

Oh. Well, that's a thought.

I nod hesitantly and he nods back, a hint of a satisfied smile breaking his stern features. I gingerly bring my hands to the serving spoon and scoop myself a small amount of eggs eggs before moving onto what looks like bacon. I can hardly remember the last time I had bacon. Any pigs I killed I had to send straight to the capitol. Taking a deep breath, I bring a small spoonful of scrambled eggs to my mouth and slowly close my lips around it.

Oh my god.

It's. Fucking. Delicious.

Before I know it, I am shoveling more food onto my plate and into my mouth, hardly breathing in between bites. I try a little bit of everything, from fruits to meats to creams and juices and I enjoy every single one of them, but none more that the bacon. The bacon is the best, by far.

"Slow down, kid! I want some bacon too!" Marvin exclaims with an astonished look on his face. He makes a grab at the bacon and I am quick to pull the plate away and glare. He just chuckles and reaches for it again, like I'm joking, but I pull away further and glare harder. I want the bacon. But instead of laughing some more like I expect, he suddenly frowns then composes his features, leans back, crosses his arms and starts stare me down. What is he-? Oh, I know that look. So he's gonna play it that way? The famous stare down? Well, then I can to. Between me and Jo, I am the current champion at this game. I got this.

And so the staring contest begins.

1 minute. I'm still going strong, the plate of bacon still held close to my chest, she delicious smell still making it's way up my nose and motivating me further.

2 minutes. Not one smile has been cracked, not one shift between our eyes. He's good.

3 minutes. No. No way, this can't happening. Not yet. No not that rare ticklish feeling on my cheeks. The one making me want to smile. No. I can't. Not yet.

4 minutes. Now that feeling if in my chest and stomach too, making me want to burst out into laughter. But I'm not the only one struggling. No. I can see Marvin's cheeks start to twitch. I can outlast him. Just a little longer...

5 minutes. I'm biting my cheek, trying to prevent the laughter. So close...

5 minutes and 30 seconds. We're both holding our breath now. If we exhale, then laughing will be inevitable. This has now turned into a no breathing contest. Shit.

6 minutes. I know my face is turning red. My lungs are begging for air... Just a little longer!...

6 minutes and 23 seconds. I can make it! So close!

6 minutes and 25 seconds. …...

Screw it.

"Bwa-HAHAHAH!" I let it out. The intense laughter can't be stopped once it escapes. I lean forward and wrap my arms around my waist, trying to control it, but now my eyes are starting to tear up. I'm cracking up. Literally. I can feel my ribs wanting to snap in half from the pressure. My laugh sounds a little weird, kinda crazy. I haven't laughed like this in months and the feeling is unfamiliar. But I welcome it. It feels so good and all of my worries are being pushed to the back of my mind.

I look up to see Marvin laughing just as hard as me, face flushed and tears in his eyes.

"T- Tie!" I manage to force out before going into another round of hard laughter. Now it's just starting to hurt.

We continue laughing for who knows how long with our ribs cracking and tears streaming down our faces. But soon our laughs start to die down and relax. I set the plate of bacon back onto it's spot on the table and we each take a few slices. We eat them slowly in between giggles and chuckles, not wanting to choke.

And that's how Iron finds us. Laughing and munching on bacon.

I immediately shut up and become tense but I don't know why. He stands in the doorway with a strange look on his face, like a mixture of anger and confusion. But he doesn't say anything. Just picks up a plate and stacks it with food of every kind. Except for bacon, because me and Marvin ate all the bacon. For some reason, the thought makes me smile a bit.

Iron leaves with his full plate in hand and I'm relieved to see him do so, tension leaving my shoulders. I hate to admit it, but he still intimidates me. Damn it.

"Why is he like that?" I winder aloud, not really meaning to.

"I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his family." Marvin answers. I wasn't really expecting an answer.

"His family?" I question with my brows pulled together.

"Yeah, The Moore's have always been a hard family. Tough. Not many know, but Chason, Iron's father, actually came from District 2 as a peacekeeper, long time ago. Met his wife here and got permission to settle."

"They can do that?" I ask incredulously .

"Not usually. He only got to because he had a high ranking. People try to keep it under wraps. It's pretty rare." Wow, that's some devotion. Who would want to leave a place like District 2 for District 9? It's a shit heap. "But despite that, he never really gave up his support for the games. Was still rooting for them, still is. He's always pushing and training his sons to compete in them. Trying to make his own careers out of them I guess. That was the way he was raised, and the way he decided to raise his sons. You remember Steel Moore?"

I nod.

Of course. I'm an idiot. How could I have forgotten? Iron's older brother, Steel Moore, volunteered for the games five years ago at eighteen and now I know why. He made it to the final 8 before getting dying of dehydration, if I remember correctly.

"Me too." He sighs sadly. "Iron and his brother are a lot alike. Both are determined and hardened. Both trying to please their father... Well, I guess only one of them is now. Iron sees Steel's loss at a disappointment to his family, not a tragedy. Just like a majority of families in District 2, and believe me, I know. I've been there." He shakes his head after that.

"What about their mom?" I ask, my brows knitted together. How can she just stand by while her husband practically prepared their sons like pigs for slaughter?

"She died after Iron was born. Steel was only five at the time" Marvin answers simply. "After she died, Chason kinda, I don't know, Turned off?" He says it like a question, like he doesn't know if that's the right word or not. "Nothing really pleases him anymore. He continues to prepare his sons though. Uses it as a distraction."

"Oh." I say softly. I had no idea that Iron was raised like that. It explains a lot though. Why he is so determined and eager. Why he is so talented at what he does. Probably explains why he hates Marvin too. If Marvin couldn't help his brother, how could Marvin help him? He just wants to please his unpleasing father. I can relate in a way.

"Well look who made it out of bed!" The loud voice scares me half to death and makes my jump out of my thoughts.

Oh god. Why is he here?

"Morning, Alanzo." Marvin greets unenthusiastically.

"Good morning to you too!" He replies with a big dazzling smile. He has to be the most oblivious man I have ever met. "Where's Brooding?" Brooding? That must be his nickname for Iron. Ha! The name makes me let out a small snort. I like it. It fits.

"Eating alone." I answer with a small laugh in my voice.

"You like his nickname, Button?"

My smile vanishes.

Did he just call me Button?

"Button?" I question verbally with a frown. Really?

"I know! Don't you just love it?" No! It's terrible!

"W-why?" I'm sure Marvin can now hear the horror in my voice and see it in my eyes.

"Because you're so small, Dear." Alanzo answers like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Marvin starts to laugh, but tries to hide it with a cough when he catches my glare. "I think it's rather fitting." Alanzo continues while popping a grape into his mouth, totally oblivious to my glare and Marvin's Guffaws.

"Me too." Marvin agrees.

I just moan and lean my head back over my chair, mentally cursing both of them and my now aching stomach. Between the large amounts of food and laughing, my stomach seems to have stretched considerably. "Why?" I question again softly to myself, feeling a little dramatic while doing so. I kinda dose off like that for a bit, just staring at ceiling and thinking about Iron's family, when Alanzo sneezes loudly and startles me. I sigh and bring my head back up. Alanzo is still oblivious and eating grapes and Marvin looks at the table, looking like he's contemplating something important. I wonder what?

I frown again and look out the window, wanting to distract myself. We are still going amazingly fast and it takes me a while to notice the growing speck in the distance. No, not a speck, I notice. Not at all. It's a city. I hurriedly look over to the clock and see that it is 11:56. We can't be there already, can we?

I stand abruptly and rush over to the window, feeling panic start to course its way through my veins. I put both my hands to the window and marvel at the growing city. It's amazing, breathtaking, even.

It's terrible.

It's becoming difficult to breath. I'm not ready yet. I can't face this.

I see Marvin come and stand next to me out of the corner of my eye, but I don't look away from the window. I can't.

"I had almost forgotten," I whisper. "why I'm here, what's going to happen."

He doesn't say anything in return. Just places a firm hand on my shoulder. I look over to him with big, pleading eyes. Pleading him to make me forget again. Begging him to make me laugh one more time. But he just shakes his head sadly and points to my chest, to my locket, reminding me of what I need to remember.

But I don't want to. Not yet.

"I'm not ready." I say with s shaky voice. I sound so small.

"You have to be." His voice is strong, yet still quiet, and he grips my shoulder tighter. "You need to be." I start shaking my head frantically and my breathing becomes even harder, my panic getting the better of me. But he grips my other shoulder and forces me to look at him. "You can do this, Arien. Okay? It's just a quick in and out through the station. Just keep your eyes forward and try not to look scared no matter what, understand?" I can't respond. I'm frozen. "Come on, Arien, Please!" He gives me a little shake. It reminds me of how I treated Joseph before we left, except I'm little Joseph now and Marvin is me, and it just brings back more unwanted memories.

Please, make me forget.

Marvin is still looking at me. We are both pleading with our eyes now. Me begging him to miraculously develop the gift of memory wiping, and him pleading me to remember. Remember Joseph and be strong for him. To fight for him...

Oh... Oh no... I did it again. I forgot my Joseph after I promised myself wouldn't.

Goddamn promises. Why are they so hard to keep?

My right mind starts to slowly come back to me and I give a small nod. Marvin exhales in relief.

"Thank you." He tells me.

And then the train enters the station.

The first word that comes to mind is chaos. There are hundreds of people jumping and screaming as a way of greeting. There are blinding flashes coming from all directions, making it hard for me to keep a straight face. I faintly notice Iron enter the compartment and stand a little ways away from us and Alanzo beaming and waving to everyone, making the crowd go wild. It really seems to excite them. I try and do the same, curving my lips into a smile and lifting my hand into a small wave. The all wave back and scream even louder, if possible. The sound nearly makes my ears bleed and I want to hide and cower so badly, but I need to get through this. I promised.

So I keep waving and smiling while on the inside, I just want to cry.

* * *

"Ahhhhh!" I yell out for the seemingly millionth time when the yellow haired man once again pulls another sticky strip from my leg, effectively pulling my hair out with it.

They have been at it for hours. Strange looking strangers spraying, pulling, poking, and prodding my body until it burns all over. They have washed trimmed my still long hair, rubbed different chemicals all over my skin, and pulled nearly every hair out of my body except for my brows and and head. And despite my previous lifestyle, this has to be one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. I can hear some other tributes cry out in pain as well and I sympathize with them. I can only imagine what Iron must be going through.

"Oh, toughen up!" A woman with blue skin and a squeaky voice complains. "Some of us have to go through this annually, you know."

"Well I'm sorry I don't pull my hair for fun in my free time," I can't hold back my frustrated retort. These people are really starting to piss me off. "I kinda have to hunt for your food."

She glares at me then and continues to pull on my hair even harder, which I guess is her way of getting back at me. What a bitch.

Thankfully the torture ends not long after our little spat and I am more relieved than I would like to admit. The room I am taken to is pretty simple for the capitol, which I noticed tends to make everything extraordinary and complex. But this room just has a table in the middle, which is of course covered in food, a vanity with several different brightly colored bottles and palettes, and a rack with one lone bagged outfit, probably holding my costume for the tribute parade. I walk around in nothing but a small paper gown that itches like crazy, taking in all the new things. I try to read the labels of the numerous bottles on the vanity, but give up after a few seconds. Reading has never been a strength of mine.

I sigh, turn around, and am nearly scared half to death when I come face to face with someone I didn't know was there.

"Holy shit-" I stop short. Something is off. I lift my hand and notice the person do the same. I step back and they copy. It's not until then that I realize that I'm looking into a mirror. But it's not like the small ones like back home. This one is huge, taller than me both in height and length. I step forward in wonder, never having seen so much of my self at once. I'm small and somewhat curvy, I notice. I could be considered curvier, I guess, if I weren't so malnourished and worked so hard. But I still have wide hips and a full chest with a smaller waist. But it doesn't look healthy. I can feel my ribs, count them even, and my once soft and rounded face looks gaunt. It's not very attractive. I bring my hand up to my chest, searching for my locket for comfort, but I remember that the stylists made me take it off before they started. I hope Marvin keeps it safe like I asked.

"Well, If you're done discovering yourself, I'd like to get to work and make you look somewhat presentable."

I inhale sharply in fright and am quick to turn around at the voice, my heart jumping into my throat. The woman who stands in the doorway in front of me had a no nonsense look on her face with her hands are on her hips. She's already tall, bur her heels and fiery red hair piled on top of her head make her at least six feet tall. She's pretty scary.

She approaches me, her heels making loud clicking sounds, and circles around me, looking me over with a skeptical eye, occasionally reaching out and adjusting my hair or itchy gown.

"Well, you're not too unfortunate looking." She comments dryly. Is that a complement or an insult? "Tallulah Blume." She then introduces herself. I already hate her. "Arista!" She calls. A few moments later the another girl, probably no older that 25, runs through the door, panting and flushed.

"Sorry -pant- I'm -pant- Late!" She apologizes.

"This is my assistant, Arista Swiftly." Tallulah introduces her. Arista smiles at me and reaches out her hand to shake mine.

"Nice to meet you." She says, and she actually sounds like she means it, which surprises me. I take her hand and while doing so, I notice that she is the most normal looking person I have seen in the capitol so far. Granted, her clothes are ridiculous and blindingly bright, but her hair is just a normal black, her skin is a natural color and her eyes are a simple light brown. She is very pretty.

"Arista, get started on her hair and makeup. I have some last minute touches to make on her outfit." And with that, Tallulah grabbed the bag off the rack, gave me one last once over, and left.

"Nice to meet you too." I mutter under my breath.

"Sorry about her." Arista apologizes. "She really can be a nice person, it just takes some time." She's looking at me with a hopeful expression, like she doesn't really believe it either.

"Do you enjoy working for her?" I ask, genuinely curious. I would probably die if I did.

"Not all the time." She answers honestly. "She can sometimes be difficult, but she is a good teacher and is really helping me get into the business. But enough chatter, I have to make you stunning for tonight!" And with another happy smile, she leads me to the vanity and sets me into the chair. She starts with my makeup first, applying so many different powders and creams to my face that it feels like a hundred pounds by the time she's finished. All the while she is talking about anything and everything and I find that I enjoy her company. She isn't loud and obnoxious like Alanzo or cynical and unwelcoming like Tallulah. She is patient when I ask her questions and get up for some food, and modest when talking about past beauty projects that she has done. She's a sweetheart.

"You have beautiful hair." She complements my when she finishes with my makeup. She starts brushing and getting all the knots and tangles out before pulling it all back into a high ponytail. From there she braids it all the way down and fastens it together. It's simple, but beautiful.

"Thank you." I say sincerely.

"You're welcome." She replies with another smile.

Just then, the door bursts open and Tallulah struts in with the bag hanging over her shoulder.

"It's ready!" Tallulah announces with a smile on her face, the first one I've seen her wear. "We are going for an animal theme this year!" Animals? Really? She is dressing me up as the very thing I kill on a daily basis? Seems a little insensitive. But yet again, Tallulah Blume doesn't seem like the sensitive type.

She hangs the bag back on the rack before opening it up and pulling out a strapless knee length tan dress that reaches the floor in the back and has a long train. There are some random small white dots, resembling a deer. It's pretty, but looks really tight. She makes quick work of stripping me of my paper gown and replacing it with the dress, nearly making me fall on a few occasions. And I'm right, it is really tight. She then puts some brown sandals on my feet and pulls out a rather scary looking contraption.

"What's that?" I ask, the wariness clear in my voice.

Tallulah huffs in frustration. "It's a corset." She replies like she's talking to a five year old. "It goes around your waist."

"Made out of metal!" I shriek. She's kidding, right?

"Yes. Now go brace yourself against that chair. These things are not easy to put on." No, she's not kidding.

"I can't wear that! I'll pass out!"

"No you wont! You just need to learn how to breathe right!"

"Is there a way to breathe wrong? Because I had no idea!" I lift my hands into the air and my voice has taken a sarcastic tone.

We glare at each other for a few moments, but I can see that she wont give in even if I do continue to fight her further. She just has that look in her eyes. So I give her an extra hard glare for one more moment before making my way over to the chair and leaning against it, gripping the back of it firmly. I feel her wrap the metal around my waist and exhale like she instructs, but I instantly inhale sharply at the first tug, hating the feeling of my waist being pulled inward. It hurts like hell. This goes on for about ten minutes before the torture ends.

"There!" She exclaims with one final tug, effectively closing the tight metal around my waist and cutting off half my air supply.

"How do you feel?" Arista asks worriedly.

I inhale, testing out newly limited supply of air and find that I can breathe. Somewhat. Just as long as I expand my chest instead of my stomach I should be okay.

"I'm okay." I assure her breathlessly with another glare towards her boss.

"One last thing." Tallulah says before pulling out a medium sized box from under the rack. She pulls out the strangest headpiece I have ever seen. They are antler horns that have been shaped kinda like a crown. She sets it on my head and steps back with a proud expression.

I walk over to the mirror and can hardly recognize myself. My face looks different with dark brown shadows around my eyes, making them look bigger, more doe like. And all of my scars are gone, covered on thick creams and paints, making my skin look flawless. My braid comes to mid back and the antlers make look like an innocent deer. I hate it. Why dress me like a meal for the Hunger Games? It's kinda ironic, you think? The dress is very flattering though. The skirt makes my legs look longer and the damn bronze colored corset defines my waist. It's still not worth the pain though.

"You look fantastic!" Arista exclaims and claps her hands cheerily while jumping up and down. I give her a small smile, thankful for her encouragement. I don't even look at Tallulah.

"Show time!"

* * *

Me and Iron have little time to wait in our chariot and try to control out nerves before we hear the blasting music. The first chariot starts to moving forward. I look over and notice that Iron's outfit is similar to mine. His pants and shirt are the same tan color as my dress and his brown boots match my sandals. He even is waring an antler crown similar to mine. It looks like our stylists collaborated. But unlike me, he makes his deer inspired outfit menacing somehow. While I just like like a fragile doe, ready to be hunted down. Studying his face though, I see the smallest trace of fear in his brows and I find that very unnerving. Iron who looks to have nerves of steel (no pun intended), is scared. What does he have to be scared of? He is one of the more intimidating tributes.

Yet again, we are about to be paraded in front of the entire capitol. The thought terrifies me.

"Okay," Tallulah starts, pulling my attention towards her and away from Iron's face. "remember to smile, wave and stand tall. You need to look confident." Well, she's not making me feel very confident. "Oh, and make sure to breathe right."

And then there's that. How do I breathe right again?

"Good luck!" Arista wishes me before following her boss away from our carriage. District 8's chariot starts moving in front of us and I tightly grip the handle in front of me. I can faintly hear Iron's stylist give him some last minute instructions before we are moving, our chestnut horses trotting towards the large open doors.

The sound is so overwhelming. I am nearly thrown back at the screams and cheers pouring from the audience and the lights are disorienting and scaring me, making me forget how to breathe right.

"_Pull your self together!"_ I mentally scold myself. I lift my shoulders, force myself to look into the flashing lights, smile and wave. And it drives the people crazy. They start cheering my name, my district, and I blow a kiss their way for good measure. I have no idea what Iron is doing next to me, so I look up at the screens zooming in on his face and see that he has a smile on his face. Wow. It's small, but charming and confident and seems to be driving girls -and some of the men- crazy. I can't blame them though. Despite his detached personality, he is very good looking.

All of a sudden the cameras are on me. Seeing my face on a ginormous screen startles me for a moment and my smile falters. I still look so fragile, innocent, young and naive, nothing of which I really am. I look like a lie.

But I can't be underestimated.

I bring my smile back full force and raise my hand into another enthusiastic wave, all of a sudden determined to not be out shined. And it works.

People go crazy.

* * *

"That was amazing!" Arista's voice cheers once we return. She surprises with a hug and I am to shocked to do anything but put one arm around her. The adrenaline still hasn't left my body. Behind her I see Marvin with a proud smile on his face.

"You did a great job." He tells me while handing me my precious locket.

"Thank you." I reply, his praise making me feel good and my locket making me feel more secure. I put it on right away.

"You are starting to look a little blue though." He remarks with an amused look.

"It's been a long day!" I defend myself.

"No, I mean your face is literally starting to turn blue."

Oh. I'm not breathing right and I didn't even notice. That can't be healthy.

"Damn corset." I curse under my breath. Marvin just chuckles and I start to look around for the reason of my discomfort. I find her a few feet away, positively fuming for some reason. She is glaring daggers at the back of who I assume to be District 12's stylist. I remember them being a particular favorite with the fire and everything.

"Beginners luck." She says bitterly. She huffs, then turns to me and says, "You did better than I expected." before waking away, pulling a waving Arista with her. Well, I guess that's the closest thing I will ever get to a complement from her. I'll take it.

"You were wonderful, Button!" I hear from behind. Ah shit, he's back.

I turn towards Alanzo and give him a fake smile and a quick thanks, putting my hands behind my back to avoid punching. I can't afford to offend him. That could mean trouble for me.

"Come on! Lets go the apartment!"

* * *

The training center has a tower over it, each level being the temporary homes for each of the districts. We of course are on level 9. Alanzo leads us towards an elevator and my stomach drops at the sight. I have used the elevator only one other time today and I did not enjoy it. It made me feel like I was falling without ever leaving the ground. Not fun. And to make matters worse, we are not the only tributes in this elevator. It seems like we will be sharing with District 2, in my opinion the most deadly district.

We all pile in and our escorts push the buttons to take us to our floors while starting up an animated conversation about the parade. Everyone else is silent. Dead silent. Marvin stands to my left, in between me and Iron and to my right is the boy who I dubbed as the blonde version of Iron. Next to him is the girl who looks like a killing machine. I think I might throw up.

For some stupid reason my eyes start to make their way up towards the boy and I am unable to stop them. At my height, my eyes only reach his gold, armor clad chest. Then I look up and see he is staring right back at me, his icy blue eyes looking down at me with some sort of sick humor in them. They travel up and down my body, making me feel naked, dirty and exposed. He is smirk is confident. Confident that I wont last long in the games. I instinctively start to bring my hand up to my chest, wanting to feel for my locket again, but I force myself to stop.

"_Don't look weak!" _I mentally scold myself, and I force my eyes to never leave his. I try to keep a defiant look in them, but I don't know if I'm succeeding. I hate to admit it, but his staring is really scaring me.

Really, really, scaring me.

"_ding!"_

We finally reach level 2, thank god. He steps out of the elevator, his gaze never leaving mine until he turns the corner and out of sight, but not before giving me one chilling smile.

I start to shake a little once the elevator door closes again. His smile is still lingering in my mind and I still feel naked and disgusting. I start to rub my arms, trying to rub away his gaze and my fear. I can't let him get to me like this.

"_ding!"_

Finally! The elevator doors open and my breath is taken away at the luxury of the apartment.

"Welcome home!" Alanzo announces. The place is beautiful and so big! My tiny little cabin could fit in the living room!

We are given a quick tour before Alanzo shows us to our rooms. When I see my room, My body all of a sudden feels a hundred pounds heavier and I realize how exhausted I am. But I still notice how beautiful everything is. I take time observing everything before making my way to the giant window -that takes up an entire wall- and pull the curtain over it before attempting to unclasp the damn corset. It takes several minutes and a lot of strain and grunts, but I finally do it and am slightly lightheaded when ten times more air starts to make its way into my lungs. I proceed to remove the rest of my costume and just leave everything lying on the floor, too tired to figure out how to properly dispose of it. If it were my choice, i would burn it. I slip on a comfortable nightgown before going into the bathroom and scrubbing my face until it is clear of any makeup and am amazed how much lighter it feels when I'm finished.

When I exit the bathroom, I see the most beautiful thing I have seen all day.

The bed.

* * *

**Isn't your bed one of the most wonderful things sometimes? It's like a best friend. It supports you, comforts you, and makes you feel all warm and cozy. But enough about beds! Please let me know what you thought of this extra long chapter! Should I try to keep this length? Should they be shorter? Let me know!**

**Oh, I forgot to put a disclaimer: I don't own the hunger games. :/ **

**-IAmTheStars**


	5. They Took Him Away

**Don't kill me! I know this chapter took forever to come up, but it's here now! And aren't you guys loving all these new goodies for the site? I even made a sort of "Book Cover" thingy for this story as you may see. Please tell me what you think! :) **

**Nelle07: Who knows why Tallulah made the corset metal? We may never know that goes on in the mind of a crazy stylist.**

**bbymojo: Thanks! I'm going! :)**

**HermioneandMarcus: Thank you so much! And I like your name. :)**

**Franlucylucci: Thank you so much for your input! I will try to keep my chapters longer. And your comment on beds made my laugh. :D**

* * *

"What are you good at? Your strengths?"

"...Uhhh..." Is my oh so intelligent reply to Marvin's question. We still have a while before training starts with the sun just barely peaking through the horizon, but Marvin seems to be quizzing me this morning. Asking me about what survival skills I have, how many different snares and weapons I can make, and different tactics I have learned over the years I've been hunting. But I am struggling to answer most of them. I have always hated being questioned and besides, I have never been one to brag.

"You can't afford to be modest right now, Arien." He reminds me for the billionth time with a stern voice.

I squirm on my cushy living room seat, all of a sudden finding it not too comfortable."I am good with knives, I guess..." I say but it sounds more like a question. "I can fight okay with them and I have never really missed when throwing. I'm pretty decent with a spear. Clubs... Uh... I'm pretty fast and can run for a while..." ...What else can I do?

"Archery?" He cuts in, interrupting my musing.

"Not a chance." I answer immediately. "I've tried, but I can never get the hang of it. Plus my shoulder can't handle the constant pulling. It hurts too much."

"Swords?"

I roll my eyes at this question. "Nope. There is really no need to learn that back home."

"Hand to hand combat?"

I huff. "With out my knives, I'm pretty much useless. And again, there was no need." I'm starting to get a little irritated by this question. Has he forgotten that we're from a hunting district? You don't really do hand to hand combat with animals.

He just nods and thoughtfully rubs his scruffy chin with his hand, a habit I noticed he does when he is thinking hard.

"I can read people pretty well." I sheepishly add while twiddling my fingers, trying to help him gain more confidence in me. He looks back at me with his eyebrows raised, silently asking me to elaborate. "I notice things, like I can tell when they're hiding something, what they're feeling, habits they may have..." He seems to perk up at this.

"Good. Use that while training, then tell me what you notice when you return." I nod. "Anything else? Something that the others might not be able to do?"

I think hard for a few moments, thinking of what we haven't yet gone over. "I'm both right and left handed." I blurt, suddenly remembering.

"Really?" He asks with a surprised look on his face and excitedly leans forward in his chair. "Have you always been like that?"

"No. I'm originally right handed, but when I dislocated m right arm a while back it never really healed right, so I had to teach myself to do things with my left. I'm just as good, if not better with it."

"That's really good, Arien," The complement makes my chest swell with pride and I smile bashfully a little. But the smile is soon gone when he starts giving me a whole bunch of directions left and right. "But make sure no one finds out. Keep that a secret so you can surprise them in the arena. Don't let them know your strengths or about your shoulder. Try to learn as many new things as you can, especially the survival skills. Don't show them what you can do. Save that for when the gamemakers score you." I nod again and try to put a more confident look in my face. I got this. I can do this.

...I think.

"'Kay." I reply a little breathlessly, an overwhelming feeling coming over me at all of the new directions Marvin has given me. I probably won't remember half of them.

Seeing my reaction, he then looks at me with an encouraging smile on his face, one that instantly make the nerves that I didn't even know I have leave. "You're gonna be alright."

* * *

"_What...?"_ Upon entering my room, I see that there is a new set of clothes on the foot of my bed. I walk up to them to see what they're for, and it takes a bit too long to figure that they are my new training clothes. I grab the shirt and marvel at the feel of it. Decorated in red, black and silver, the fabric is smooth and stretchy. I move it around in my hands and wonder at the way it moves, like liquid. Turning it over, I notice there is a number 9 on the short sleeves and my wonder is suddenly replaced by reminders and damn homesickness.

9, for District 9. My home. I lightly trace the number, then lift my hand to my locket and bring my it to my lips. "I'm doing this for you Joseph..." I remind myself in a whisper, remembering on my own for the first time. Is he okay?... Is he fed?... Does he miss me nearly as much as I miss him?

"Hello, lovely!"

The loud female voice alarms me and I spin around to see who just barged into my room, only to be met with a face full of black hair and the scent of peaches and something else sweet.

"Arista!" I exclaim in surprise with wide eyes, dropping the shirt and hesitantly hugging her back. "What are you doing here?"

"Tallulah sent me to prep you."

"For what?" I ask, my brows pulling together in confusion. What did I miss?

"Well, you need to get your picture taken before training starts." She answers like it's the most obvious thing in the world. I had no idea. "You know, for when they talk about you on television and give your score?"

"Right." I answer, trying to cover up my confused face by looking like I totally know what she is talking about. Which I don't. "What are you going to do?" I ask apprehensively.

"Oh, just a few touch ups here and there." She flicks her wrist several times as she says this, like she is shooing away my worries. "Nothing too big. But first you have to get dressed! Go do that while I get my station ready." She then pushes me towards the bathroom door while shoving the clothes into my hands, then making her way to the vanity and setting whatever up. I sigh and reluctantly leave to change, not really excited to.

I hate the bathroom. Every wall has a giant mirror, constantly reminding me of my flaws and imperfections. That's why I try to keep my eyes on the floor while undressing, looking anywhere but up. But I can't help it. Once all of my clothes are removed save for my undergarments, I look up and see all of me for the first time in my life. Not through a small hand held mirror, not covered in an itchy sheet. I see everything. Every scar and every mark. I see the ones on my face for the whole world to see, and the ones on my body that I try so hard to hide. It looks so different than the flawless, beautiful, innocent lie that I was last night, I notice.

Without really knowing that I am, I begin to trace all of the different markings on my body, remembering where I got each and every one. The spiderweb shaped one on my shoulder from when it was dislocated, the ones on my face from when glass was thrown at me, the one on my thigh from being caught in a dangerous snare, and several others. But none were as painful or as horrifying as the one across my entire stomach. Starting under my left breast and continuing on diagonally across my bellybutton, thick and knotted until it reached my right hip. That memory I try to keep locked away, too scared to ever relieve it again. I immediately pull my hand away from it like I've been shocked, as if pulling away will stop the images and sounds from making themselves known in my mind. But they come anyway, because this is the real me, covered in painful reminders and memories.

This is who I really am.

"Arien, are you dressed yet?" I hear Arista call from outside. I jump and am pulled out of my reverie.

"Almost." I respond just loud enough for her to hear, my eyes never leaving my reflection.

Swallowing hard, I begin to dress quickly, covering my self up in the clothes that the capitol has given me. Hell, that thought makes me feel even worse. I'm like their doll with them dressing me in whatever they want, making me do what ever they want, choosing my fate for me. _"I think I'd rather be my scarred self" _I decide.

I finally lace up my boots with a new determination and exit. Arista is patiently waiting for me next to the vanity with her ever happy smile on her face. She silently gestures for me to sit in the seat and starts on my hair. She says very little the entire time, probably sensing my sad, confused mood, and I couldn't be more grateful. She simply works on my hair with gentle hands, making a few small sections of braids and pulling everything back into a high ponytail, leaving out a few strands to frame my face. It's beautiful, something I would never be able to recreate.

"Don't." I quietly stop her in her tracks when I notice she's is pulling out the thick face paint, the one that covers my scars. "I don't want them covered up. I want to be myself today." I explain when her features become confused. I don't really blame her for feeling that way. My moods have been all over the place this morning.

She doesn't argue though. She just smiles softly and nods in understanding even though she may not understand, and puts the paint away. I smile softly back and feel some warmth in my chest at her kindness.

"Well, I'm all done here." She announces once all of her things are back in her handy briefcase that seems to hold everything. She brings me in for one last hug before waltzing her way out the door, chirping a quick, "Good luck!" on her way out.

Thanks. I think I'm going to need it.

* * *

"Over the next few weeks, 23 of you will be dead." Our lead trainer, Atala, began on a very encouraging note. "1 of you will be alive." No shit. "Who that is depends on how well you pay attention over the next 4 days, particularly to what I'm about to say. First, no fighting with the other tributes. You'll have plenty of time for that in the arena." Her voice sounds slightly humored at that and it makes me roll my eyes. "There are 4 compulsory exercises, the rest will be individual training. My advice is, don't ignore the survival skills. Everybody wants to grab a sword, but most of you will die from natural causes. 10 percent from infection, 20 percent from dehydration. Exposure can kill as easily as a knife..."

Her speech seems to go on forever and I start to get antsy, jumping lightly on the balls of my feet before she finally concludes and leads us to out exercises. They are all fairly simple and are all set up like an obstacle course. Of course all of the careers are practically flawless, although the girl from one seems to tire easily and her partner is a bit clumsy. The girl from two, whose name I found out is Clove, had a harder time reaching the higher up obstacles, which is bad news for me because I am about the same height as her, but she still did almost as well as her terrifying partner, who killed it. He only got hit once and never stumbled. If he ever gets to me in the arena, I am so screwed.

Before I know it, it is my turn, Iron having already gone with a pretty good time. He was strong, but not very fast. The other tributes in front of me have already gotten through it with many stumbles and falls. I take a deep breath and step up to the beginning mark, waiting for Atala to call out my start.

"GO!"

I bolt forward, taking advantage of my speed and jump onto the first platform of the exercise, the one that tests my agility. I jump, duck and roll onto each platform, carefully dodging each swing that the trainers were making a me from the ground. I get hit a few times, but none in places that could be fatal. I pass the first exercise.

I immediately make my way over to the next one that displays our speed and stamina. I jump onto the floor and almost trip when the floor starts to move in the opposite direction of where I'm heading, making me run faster if I want to finish. The closer I get to the end, the faster the floor moves. My breathing is becoming hard and there is a stitch forming in my side, but I force myself to sprint until I reach the last few feat and leap, almost crying out when I roll off my right shoulder. I make myself hold it in and run to the next obstacle of strength. I jump onto the net and start to climb. I internally scream at myself to go faster and I get halfway up when the net unexpectedly flips on my and I fall hard on my back. Really hard.

"Dammit!" I can't hold in the cry of pain, my back suffering the most from the high fall. I can already feel the large bruises forming.

"Get up, 9!" I hear Atala call, something she often does when one of the tributes fall. That is the only push I need to get back up and start climbing again. I don't want to be seen as weak. I start climbing again and brace myself this time when the net flips. I don't fall this time. I am really feeling the strain on my arm now, but again, I push the pain to the back of my mind and continue climbing. One more exercise to go.

This is the one I have been dreading. I don't know if I can do this one. At the top of the net there is a long set of monkey bars that I have to climb across. Many of the others would have quit if Atala would have let them. One boy had even fallen and couldn't continue.

This is gonna feel like hell.

I inhale and stand on the tip of my toes to reach the first bar, struggling because of my height. I take hold if it with a little strain, take another deep breath, and let my feet fall.

The pain is excruciating. My arm is practically screaming and it takes all of my will power to hold in my own. My arms shake with every swing I take and I am constantly fighting to erase any signs of pain from my face and keep my swings even. I'm half way there, but my hands are starting to sweat and my grip is becoming looser. I try to move faster, but that just makes my grip slicker.

6 more bars to go.

5 more bars.

4 more...

At 3 I have to stop.

I'm just barely hanging by my finger tips and I can feel my face starting to show the tell tale signs of my struggling. If I swing forward one more time, I will definitely loose my grip and fall, further injuring myself. There is only one way I will be able to make it, and it is a major risk. But I have to try. I attempt to steady by breath and stay calm. Trying to tighten my grip, I gently swing my legs back, trying to get momentum, before swinging forward with as much strength as I can put into it, which isn't very much. The whole half second I am airborne fells like an eternity and I almost freeze in mid air, my fright nearly killing me. But at the last second I catch my self on the wall and hold on for dear life with my fingers. I cry out at the impact and struggle for several seconds. My arms are so ready to give out and, they nearly do. But then I hear something.

Laughter.

The sound scares me and I look to the side and see the careers smirking and chuckling at my struggling. No way. They think I'm weak. My fear quickly converts into anger at their arrogance. I can't look weak in front of them. Not while I can still prove them wrong.

"_Don't show them your weaknesses." _I can practically hear Marvin commanding me in my head. I gotta do this.

Fighting my pain and fatigue, I pull my self up with a cry. Both my arms protest at pulling up my entire body weight, but I still do it. I pull up and bring the wall under my elbows before hoisting myself up for a second time and finally bring my entire body over the edge. My body hurts, it's hard to breath, but I'm not done yet. I clench my teeth and force my body to stand and start climbing down the net, thanking no one in particular that this one doesn't flip over. At the bottom I turn over to my left to see the button that stops the clock and press it with a hard hand, thankful that the torture is over.

I am still fighting the urge to take hold of my shoulder and cry when Atala approaches me.

"Nice save at the end." She complements and I only nod in return, scared if I open my mouth I might burst into tears. It hurts so bad. "You completed the course in 9 minutes and 27 seconds." Not the best time, but definitely not the worst. I'm in the top 10. I'll take it.

"Thanks." I force out. She nods and walks away.

I turn around and the first thing I see are the careers, silent and glaring at me for proving them wrong. But I just glare back, too tired and too pissed off to be intimidated this time.

* * *

"How did it go today?" Marvin eagerly asks after me and Iron return.

"Pretty good." I tell tiredly while plopping onto the couch. Iron just ignores Marvin despite the question also being directed at him and heads to his room where he will no doubt stay until dinner. It makes me a little sad so see him ignore someone so willing to help him, but but I'm also grateful at the fact that I get him all to my self.

"So, what did you do?" He inquires after a few silent moments.

We talk for a while about what I learned, like five different ways to light a fire, camouflage, plants, and how to find shelter. He is a little disappointed at the lack of physical training and we both decide that I should start on that tomorrow.

"What can you tell me about the other tributes?"

"The boy and girl from one are pretty arrogant. Glimmer tires easily but is alright with a bow. Not perfect. Marvel is extremely skilled with a spear, but clumsy and is not a fan of heights." I begin while running my hand over my face, trying to remember all their different traits and attributes. "District 2 I think is the most threatening. Clove is a knife thrower too, but she is definitely right handed. When she throws with her left her aim is a little off and and it takes longer to reach the target. I can't find anything wrong with the boy though." I say this last part through clenched teeth. Watching him in training, I really began to hate him. "He can do everything. Fight, throw, run, climb. He can use almost every weapon but he seems to favor, and is the best with a sword. There's almost nothing wrong with him. He's fucking perfect." My voice has taken a bitter tone and fold my arms across my chest while looking out the window with a frown. I hate him, but I can't help but feel jealous of him. It must be nice to be immune to screwing up.

"But that's exactly whats wrong with him."

"Excuse me?" I ask, utterly baffled on how Marvin came to that conclusion. I look back at him with raised eyebrows and he looks back with the same expression on his face, obviously surprised that I'm not catching on. "...I'm obviously not seeing what you're seeing." I state dryly, getting tired of feeling like he is beating me at my own game.

After giving me a few more seconds to try and understand his logic, he finally gives up and lets me off the hook. "He must know how good he is and that must make him arrogant." Ahhhhh... I finally see where he's going. "And arrogance can lead to sloppiness." Now I just feel like a dumb ass.

"Oh." I look down, a little embarrassed that I didn't see it for myself. Marvin grins a little at my embarrassment, but gives me some valuable advice to make up for it.

"Don't let others strengths overpower your ability to see their weaknesses." He advises, then gets up and leaves me alone to ponder those words.

* * *

"...That one?" The instructor huffs and looks extremely irritated at my lack of knowledge of poisonous berries and plants despite working with him for an hour.

"No, that one will will paralyze you for hours and leave you exposed to die." He informs me rather harshly. He continues to try and teach me on which ones are edible, but I'm not doing much better with those either. He glares at me when I get another one wrong. I just glare back and tell him that I will come back tomorrow and try again before making my way to the hand to hand combat station. I'm sick of these rude trainers.

As it turns out, I'm pretty alright when it comes to fighting. Not amazing, but alright. I'm not very strong, but I make up for it in speed and agility. I learn how to disarm, trip and potentially make someone pass out if I can get my arms around them. It was a pretty successful session.

I work on swords, archery (which was a failure), how to hand make weapons, and so many other hard and physical things that I can hardly stand by the time the last hour of this training session comes around. Still, I gotta learn more. I'm at the camouflage station, figuring out how to apply all the different dirt's and green paints to my face to try and blend in with the bush behind me -and failing- when I hear someone call for me.

"Hey 9!" The voice is deep and arrogant and I turn around to see the boy form District 2 -whose name I still don't know- calling for me, much to my displeasure.

What the hell does he want?

"This yours?"

I look on either side of him and have a mini heart attack at what I see. How-? No, they can't have it. I feel for it, but it's no longer there. How the hell did they get it? When did I loose it?

My locket, my Joseph, is no longer around my neck, but being tossed between a smirking Clove and a giggling Glimmer.

Those fucking bitches.

Before I know it, I and making my way over to them, my hands shaking and my breathing hard, determined to get my Jo back. But the boy from 2 steps in front of me, blocking my path. I try to veer to the right, but he follows me. I take a step to the left, but he once again mirrors. He crosses his arms across his chest and stares down at me with a harsh look in his eyes and a cruel smile of his face, one that instantly pumps cold fear into my veins. "Where you going?" He asks teasingly, obviously sensing my reaction to him.

"Give it back." I try to say darkly, but I can hear the trembling in my voice showcasing my fear for him and the loss of my token.

"Whats the magic word?" He starts to step towards me and I step back like a little frightened dog. I know that the gamemakers and trainers are nearby, but they don't notice anything and I am not about to call out and look even more pathetic. He doesn't scare me that much. ...Not really... Shit. Looks like I'm on my own.

"Give it back." I try again, but he just advances towards me again, leading my further away from my locket and causing my shaking hands to become more pronounced.

"Don't they teach manners in District 9?"

Excuse me?

"Don't they teach the golden rule in District 2?" I shoot back, my feeling anger start to outweigh my still present fear. "Besides, we only give that rare courtesy to those who deserve it." He doesn't fucking deserve it.

"I told you where it is, didn't I?"

"She's not gonna say please, Cato." I hear Glimmer inform him form behind while still tossing my locket to Clove who is smiling. "She is too stubborn to say it, and too much of a scared little bitch to come get it herself." Again, excuse me? "Probably scared that we will add another scar to her pretty little face." Clove laughs at the comment, and who I now know as Cato smiles even wider. But I no longer care. Because I'm no longer scared. Just really pissed off. I can feel my anger inflate and my hands start shaking even harder, but no longer from fear. Nope. I'm definitely not scared anymore. Just pissed. Glimmer took it too far.

I grab one of the several throwing knives from the table to my right and Cato is the first to see with wide eyes. Time slows down like is does every time I focus on my target. I raise the knife, readying it for throwing. Cato ducks with an exclaimed, "Holy shit!" and Clove and Glimmer do the same, but I'm not aiming for them, as much as I would like too. No, I'm aiming for my locket, which is still in the air, flying in between them, Clove being the one to throw it last. I exhale as I throw the knife with speed, confident that it wont miss. I see it fly for what seems like an eternity through the air before it catches the loop of the chain and embeds itself in the wall, my locket handing from the blade.

Time returns to normal as I walk pass the 3 shocked career tributes, pull the knife from the wall and catch my locket. Once it is back around my neck and my anger starts to recede, I notice how quiet the entire center has become. And then I suddenly realize what I've just done.

"Shit." I silently curse when I turn around and see two peacekeepers walking towards me. "Shit, shit, shit." Did I really just do that?

Both of them grab my arms and start leading me towards the doors, telling me that I have been banned from the training center for the rest of the day. I don't fight it or struggle when they grab my arms, still in shock at what just came over me. Every one is staring at me. Some look fearful, others look like they pity me, probably because I may have just become the careers prime victim.

I'm fucked.

* * *

"What the hell were you thinking, Arien?" Marvin demands to know outside my bedroom door, but like for the past five hours, I don't answer. "You showed them one of your greatest strengths! You pissed them off! You might as well have...!" I hear him continue at me, but I remain curled in my bed and stare at nothing. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have made such a dumb ass decision? It's not really surprising though. Once my anger gets to me, any sense of caution or reasoning leaves my mind. But that is who I really am. I'm an idiot.

"God dammit, Arien! You better open this fucking door soon or I'll knock it down! I'm getting sick of this!"

_"Well I'm getting pretty fucking sick of this too." _I think, getting mad at myself for my idiocy and at him for no damn reason.

I rip the blankets off my body, storm over to my door and open it to see Marvin's extremely pissed off face.

"You wanna know why I did it?" I ask is a too calm voice, but I'm sure he can see the mad anger in my eyes and my trembling body. "Why I threw the knife? I did it because they took him away. They took away my Joseph. They took him away and they MOCKED ME! And they told me I was a SACRED LITTLE BITCH!" My calm voice slowly ascends into a mad yell and tears start to gather in my eyes, but I keep going.

"So I picked up the knife," I stop yelling long enough to grab a long blue vase from the dresser next to me and hold it like I held the knife, as is to show him exactly how I did it. "I picked up the knife and I THREW IT!" I throw the vase at the wall with a scream and see it shatter at the exact place I aimed it for, "I THREW IT AND I GOT HIM BACK!" but throwing the vase it does nothing to calm me down. It just makes me more angry and tears start to roll down my face and all I can think of is finding another thing to destroy.

So I do.

Any breakable thing I can get my hands on I destroy, each time hitting the imaginary target, never missing. I don't know how I do this for. All I can feel is fury and despair and the need to destroy and scream and destroy some more. I am hardly aware of Marvin trying to stop me, trying to get a hold of me. I just shove him away and continue to break on the inside and outside.

"ARIEN! STOP IT!" He grabs me from behind, pinning my arms to my sides but I still struggle. I still struggle and scream and cry until I can't anymore. But my voice eventually burns out and my body tires from fighting. I collapse and Marvin catches me. He catches me and he carries me to my bed and and cradles me, like I did for Joseph only a few days ago. "Now they're going to take m-me away from him, M-Marvin." I sob uncontrollably. "Just l-like they took h-h-him away from me." I not talking just about the careers anymore.

"Shhh, don't say that." Marvin whispers into the crown of my head while rocking me back and forth.

"But it's true!"

"But it's not true." Still rocking, still whispering. "Not true. He'll always have you."

I cry in his arms for who knows how long. I cry and clutch onto my locket with an iron fist. And Marvin just holds me and whispers comforting words to me, in a way that I wished the father that I never had would. It makes me feel more secure and safe, but also weak and vulnerable. I won't have someone like him to hold me in the when I break in the arena. I hate being so weak.

"Why are you helping me?" I ask burning in my mind with a scratchy voice. How could someone who was so strong in the games help someone as breakable as me?

He takes a few seconds to answer, "Because I see a lot of myself in you." He answers with an honest voice, totally contradicting my last thoughts.

He's lying. He's gotta be. He is strong, I'm weak. He's smart, I'm stupid. He's brave, I'm scared. We are nothing alike.

"Bullshit." I mutter.

"No bullshit." He says back. He sighs and squeezes me some more before continuing in a sadder voice, sadder that any other one I've heard him speak with. "I had a sister, you know." The news shocks me and my eyes widen slightly in disbelief, but my body is too worn out to react much more. "She had this chronic condition and when I was reaped, I was terrified of what could happen to her while I was gone. I was just as scared as you are now." His voice cracks and it makes me cry a little harder at the sound. He should never be feeling this way. He's too strong. "But I fought hard for her," He continues, his voice strained and scratchy. "I remembered her and I won. I was gonna go home to where she was waiting for me." His chest tightens under my head as he tries to hold in his tears. "But when I got there, she was gone. Tally was gone." I feel a little moisture fall onto the crown of my head and I start to hold him tighter, now offering what little comfort I have back to him. "She had died just a day before I got home. She could have waited longer, but her body couldn't..." He grows silent after that. And we hold each other for comfort. He comforts me for what I could loose and I comfort him for what he has already lost.

"Joseph can't wait forever, Arien."

"I know." I mumble.

"I know you know, but you have to remember."

"I will."

I feel him nod and peck the crown of my head. "You better. Go to sleep, Arien. We'll do better tomorrow."

"We'll do better..." I whisper before falling into a deep dreamless sleep.

* * *

**I am in love with the review buttons new look and I think we should show it some love in return by clicking it and telling me your thoughts on this chapter! I am truly thankful to those who take time out of their days and review my stories. They really uplift me and motivate me to write better and faster. Please tell me what you like and what you think I can do better. Constructive criticism is awesome! Thank you all so much for reading!**

**-IAmTheStars **


	6. Trying To Keep From Falling Apart

**First, I want to sincerely apologize for my lack of updating in these past months. These last few months have been extremely hard for me and I couldn't find it in myself to write. Please forgive meee! **

**And to answer your reviews:**

**Neopolitan . Dreamss: I'm so glad you like my story and characters! I'll try to keep the chapters long and well written! :) P.S. I love your user name! **

**ArcanineErised34: I'm glad you don't hate Arien. :)  
**

**xX Angel Of Mine Xx: I sure am glad you found this story too! :D And yes, Marvin is quite a bit older than her and more of a the father figure that she never really had. He could use some lovin' though, don't you think? Ahhhhhh! Plot bunnies! :) Thank you again!**

**Emme019: **** Think you for taking the time to review! Though, I must warn you and anyone else who is wondering, it may be a while before anything really happens between her and Cato. I hope that doesn't keep you from reading the story any more! Thanks again. :)**

******Hunger games luver: I am happy to say that there is a bit more Iron in this chapter! i hope you enjoy! :D**

******ollie: Don't worry! I understand perfectly and am glad you noticed my efforts. :)**

******And thank you so much to everyone else who reviewed! They all mean so much to me and they are the reason I was able to continue writing this story. I wish I could respond to all of you, but then this A/N would never end! I hope this is enough. :)**

******If any of you want to hear my more detailed reason for my absence then PLEASE READ the authors note at the bottom of the page. **

******Enjoy! **

* * *

"That was pretty brave, what you did yesterday."

The unexpected voice startles me and causes me to drop the brush I am using, making my sad attempt at a leaf design look even more like green vomit than it originally was. Whatever. I snap my head up and see the boy from 12 looking at me with a bashful look, like he really didn't mean to say the complement out loud. But he must have found my jumpy reaction a little amusing because his eyebrows soon after raised and a small smile formed on his face. "Not many people would be brave enough to do that." He finishes, looking back at his work while doing so.

Weird.

I study him for a few moments, wondering why he would tell me. Is he trying to manipulate me? Is he trying to make me trust him so I will let my guard down around him, making it easier for him to kill me? I almost laugh when I think back and realize that he said "Brave" and not "Smart".

"Thanks." I say not too kindly. He looks back up at me in surprise, but I keep a guarded look on my face, looking hard at him.

I search his own face for anything suspicious, anything to tell me he is just toying with me or manipulating me, but I don't find any hidden agenda or manipulation that his complement might bring. No malice or hostility. I just see a strange natural goodness that not many people possess. Unlike most of the other tributes, he doesn't look bloodthirsty or lost in hopelessness. He just looks... good. I only know one other person like that.

Joseph. Wait a second...

But then that must mean, not everyone here is a bad person.

Wow. How shocking.

The realization astounds me for a moment, but then I feel stupid. Of course not everyone here is bloodthirsty or a bully. The games just trick you into thinking everyone is your enemy. He doesn't look like an enemy.

He should not be here. There are too few people like him.

"My name's Peeta, by the way." He tells hesitantly, like he doesn't really know if he should.

"Arien." I say much in the same way with the same guarded look on my face. It feels strange, giving him my name. I think he's the first person I have given it to since starting here.

"Where did you-?" He starts.

"WHERE'S MY KNIFE?!" Peeta's question gets cut off and we both turn to see Cato across the room, yelling at some poor tribute who looks like he's about to piss himself. We hear the boy telling him that he doesn't have it. There are a few tense moments of scuffling between the two before Cato has to be taken away by peacekeepers so he doesn't kill the poor kid.

What an asshole.

"Can't stand them." I hear Peeta say under his breath, looking down at his work and shaking his head.

"Join the club." I say sarcastically while looking in the direction the asshole was escorted to. "I kinda wish I had hit him instead." I sound like I actually mean the last statement and Peeta lets out a small chuckle that I don't return, partly because I sort of actually meant it. He has an easy, soft laugh, once again reminding me of Joseph.

God, I miss him so much.

"Why _did_ you do it?" He asks curiously after a few moments. I didn't need him to clarify what _it _was.

"They stole someone from me." I say without thinking, getting lost in the memory of yesterday. I can still feel small traces of anger that haven't gone away. I don't think hey ever will.

"Someone?"

Shit.

"Something." I correct quickly, trying to cover up my mistake.

He looks at me strangely before noticing my locket and I look away, for some reason feeling ashamed for giving it away. Putting two and two together, he realizes what I meant. "Oh." But he doesn't say anything more, much to my relief.

I glare down at my brush, a little mad at myself for accidentally giving my reason away, and mad at him for making me say even though he really didn't. I don't want anyone to know what's important to me, out of fear that they might use it against me. But then again, I guess most people know now thanks to yesterday.

After seeing the look on my face, Peeta quickly goes back to turning his arm into a tree, which admittedly is amazing, much better than the mucky mess I have created. I can feel a little guilt ebb its way into my chest, feeling bad for judging him so quickly and glaring at him, thinking that he was just like the careers, but I guess that's what the games do to you. Make you think that everyone is out to kill you, making you forget and lose hope that there are still some good people. People who don't belong here. People like Peeta.

Do I belong here?

Am I a bad person?

I guess the games make you question yourself as well.

"I probably shouldn't have done it though." I say impulsively, though I can't really explain why. Protectiveness? Concern? He looks back up at me, his face questioning me and wondering what I mean by it. "I may as well have painted a target on my chest for them to shoot at." I say seriously, trying to get a message though to him.

Wait, why am I doing this?

Why am I not stopping?

I look him hard in the eyes, trying to tell him to not follow my example. Not to make himself a target. Because he doesn't belong here.

He's just too good. Like Joseph.

* * *

I realize a little too late that it was a stupid thing to warn him. I can't protect him. I shouldn't protect him. I have someone else to protect and go home to.

"Should I have done it?" I ask Marvin, pacing back and forth in his room while running my hands through my hair. Marvin sits on the edge of his bed, looking a little irritated at me for waking him up at 1:30 in the morning to tell him what has had me on edge all day. Took me long enough to finally to do it.

"No." He answers bluntly, too tired to come up with his usual way of saying it in philosophical form to not make feel like a total idiot. He rubs his eyes and yawns before continuing. "It was stupid. But that doesn't necessarily mean it wasn't right. You're just..." His pause to look for the right word is making me a bit apprehensive "...impulsive, Arien. You have displayed that several times in the last few days." He gives me a look that says he is still hasn't let me off the hook for throwing the knife. "You attacked the careers to take back what they stole from you. You attacked me because you were frightened and desperate." I look down shamefully at this. "And you warned Peeta because you were trying to protect him. You don't think before you do things, sometimes for worse and sometimes for better. But you can't go around protecting everyone who just so happens to be like Joseph. Peeta may be a good kid and all but so are you."

"Am I?" I ask quietly, barely above a whisper. The indecision I'm feeling is scaring me so much.

"Of course you are." He gives me an astounded look. "Why would you think like that?"

I just shakily inhale and look away, not knowing what to say.

I'm still questioning myself.

"Don't think that you don't deserve to win Arien." He says just as softly as I did.

Again, I don't say anything.

* * *

_"Arien Lockett, District 9."_

The soft feminine voice tells me that's my turn to show off, to show what I have, which unfortunately isn't much.

Shit.

My hands shake as I walk and my legs feel like noodles. I try to catch Irons eye as he exits the room, but, as usual he just avoids my gaze as he always has. Why do I even try?

"Arien Lockett?" I announce once I am before the Game Makers. My fucking voice cracks and It sounds more like a question. I hear them laugh and that frightens me even more.

_"Don't let them see your fear. Look and sound confident." _I remember Marvin's words from this morning.

What a fucking great start, Arien.

The head Game Maker, Seneca Crane, nods his head and I am momentarily perplexed at he sight of his beard but I shake it off quickly. It's definitely not the weirdest thing I have ever seen here in the Capitol.

_"Be strong, use every skill you have, do NOT be modest." _

I can do this...

Right?

I head straight for the targets. I try to keep my eyes focused on finding the throwing knives, but it's hard to when I finally realize how giant the training center really is. It's so much bigger when there is no one else in it. The large steel and concrete walls seem even more ominous. I feel so small under the gazes of the game makers and I take a deep breath, trying to force the panic out of my system, but it doesn't work too well. I grab a small knife and feel it. The handle is made out of metal instead of wood, yet is so much lighter. I twirl it in my hands a few times and do the same in my other hand, amazed how light and slick it feels. They are beautiful, true works of art, but I like the sturdiness of my own knives at back home better.

I throw the first and miss by seemingly miles. Dammit. The game makers chuckle and I'm to feel light-headed. How did I miss?

I never miss.

_"Try again."_ I Marvin tell me. _"Focus. Ignore them. Make yourself familiar with the weapons."_

I grab another knife. I feel it and study it. It's lighter, so I don't need to throw it as hard. Throwing it harder will make it wobble. Wobbling means missing.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Time to try again.

I throw the knife for the second time. Time is slowing down. Everything around the target becomes a blur. The knife flies through the air.

Closer.

Closer...

Bullseye.

A content smirk escapes my lips and I let out a quiet, much relieved chuckle. I did it. I don't look like a total shit head. I grab some more and start hitting the targets one by one in a quick succession, never missing, never wobbling. Both my hands are equally strong.

After knives I move to spears, once again using both my hands to throw. I forget I am being watched and all of a sudden I am at home again, hunting for me and Joseph just like any other day. It's a tiring but good day in this hell of a job. I get plenty of game and never waste any shots. I am proud of myself and am eager to get home to my brother. I know he will be proud of my good work and eager to learn from me, though I am not eager to teach him. He shouldn't have to kill for a living. Not animals. Not humans. Never humans.

Wait a second.

Humans.

I will be hunting for humans. They will be hunting for me.

I am not at home. Not in the forest.

I'm in the games.

Hell.

I drop the spear. I'm confused. I'm suddenly back in the Training Center. Back in reality. I look around and can feel the stupid, dumbfounded look on my face that the game makers can undoubtedly see. Some of them look surprised, probably at how a small girl like me could throw with such accuracy and strength. Others look impressed, and a few look bored, like this is nothing new. It's probably not.

I suddenly don't feel too great anymore.

Seneca Crane clears his throat to get my attention and nods in dismissal when I meet his cold blue eyes. His is the only face that I can't read. There is no criticism, no admiration, no disgust. He has the perfect poker face. It's unnerving and I look away, behind him and see a pig there. One with a small barely noticeable scar on its left side, where one would pierce its heart to kill it quickly, but that wasn't the first wound the pig received. The mark just a few centimeters to the right tells me that the hunter made a mistake. Most wouldn't notice these things, but those from my district always do.

Especially if you were the one who killed it.

Or her as I remember it. I killed her just one night before I was taken here.

"You're dismissed." Crane interrupts my thoughts with his smooth voice, which sounds irritated at having to dismiss me twice. I nod.

"Enjoy the pig." I tell him, once again not thinking. "She wasn't easy to catch."

And then I leave.

* * *

"Arien!" Arista's bubbly voice fills my room when as she barges in after I dress into some soft flowing pants and a silky shirt. "They are about to announce the scores!"

Arista practically yanks my arm off while dragging to the living room and promptly shoves me down onto the large chair which she decides to share with me. Marvin and Alanzo sit on the large C shaped couch and Tallulah stands stiffly behind them.

"Good afternoon everyone." Cesar's rich voice fills the room and his strange face appears on the large screen across from us. The first thing I notice is his strange blue hair and how it clashes terribly with his brilliantly white teeth and orange- ish tan. If I ever express those observations out loud, I have no doubt some citizens of the Capitol may try and kill me them selves.

Seeing the scores doesn't bother me as much as I thought they would. Even the nines and tens I see coming from Districts 1 and 2 hardly faze me.

Why?

I think I'm fading, in a way. I feel like I've become more and more numb since speaking with Peeta. I feel indifferent, empty and cold and resigned. Eight, five, nine, these numbers aren't affecting me, not even my own.

"Eight." I whisper, mimicking Cesar hardly a second after he gives my score. Arista jumps up and down in our chair in excitement and Marvin compliments me for a job well done. I even hear Alanzo give me a "I'm so proud of you, Button!"

I try to respond, to show them appreciation for their complements and support, but I can't. I spare all of them a small smile and leave, wanting to wallow in my numbness alone.

* * *

The sights from the roof literally takes my breath away. I see countless tall buildings and hundreds of flashing lights in the sky, tripping my eyes and making me gasp. But the moment of astonishment is short lived and I am just as quickly back to feeling resignation. I see a garden on the other side of the rooftop and I make my way towards it. There are several different of kinds of flowers and plants, some familiar and others foreign. I sit myself at the base of an oak tree that lays in the middle and as much as I don't want to, I think.

How can I ever make it out of the arena?

What could I ever do to make it back home, to my Joseph?

Certainly not help and protect other innocent tributes.

Definitely not assault the careers and paint a target on my forehead.

Absolutely never display any sort weakness or vulnerability to anyone. Ever.

But I've already done all of those things. I've made so many mistakes and the the games have hardly started.

There are so many questions. I'm starting to give up on trying to answer them.

_'Ding!'_

I jump when the elevator sounds and sink more into the tree, hoping to be unnoticed by whoever decided to barge in on my pity party. I slowly peek around the trunk of my tree and am so shocked by what I see, I can't even begin to explain.

I see Iron, stoic, unreadable, seemingly unbreakable Iron Moore, barge onto the roof, fall to his knees, wrap his arms around his torso, and cry.

No, not cry.

More like sob.

His shoulders shake violently with every jagged breath he takes and tears flow freely down his face. I think he's try to say something, but I can't be sure. I'm still crouched behind my tree, shell shocked and and unbearably confused when I hear something that affects me in a way that I thought I have never expected to be affected, least of all by him, cold hearted Iron Moore.

"I miss you so much, Steel." I hear him sob. "You were always the stronger one. You always took care of me. You were me best friend."

I can feel my own tear drops fall from my face and onto my chest.

Why am I crying for him? He has done nothing but shun and ignore._  
_

Why do I care?

Why do I feel as if I understand him right now?

Because of our hurtful fathers.

Because of our buried mothers.

We are VERY much alike now that I think about it.

I stand slowly and walk over to him with quiet steps until I am right in front of him. He still hasn't noticed me and his eyes are closed tightly in an effort to trap his tears.

"...Iron..." I say, just barely above a whisper.

It's enough to get his attention.

"What the HELL are you doing here!?" He yells at me.

I take a little too long to answer.

Before I know it, he is towering above me and tightly gripping my arms.

"How long have you been here!?" He shakes me hard.

"...I-I was, just..." What the hell am I trying to say? " I-I understand."

He just laughs bitterly and shoves me away. I smell wine in his breath. Well, that explains his behavior.

"You don't know anything." he informs me harshly, poking me hard in the chest. "You don't have a dad who hates you, who would probably bring me back and kill me himself is I loose. You don't have a brother who's dead and who is now seen as nothing but a disappointment." His close proximity and jabs are scaring me and the alcohol in his breath are bringing back memories that I would rather not visit. All the pain, the yelling and the bruises...

The fear...

"You know _nothing_, Arien." He says coldly, turning away.

I can hear it now, the sounds of my broken home. All the cries of, _"Daddy, please."_,_ "Don't hurt_ him!",_ "I'm sorry Mom is_ gone!",_ "Please Dad... put the bottle away...". _

I feel even more tear drops fall from my eyes.

"Your wrong." I say brokenly.

"What?" He turns back around to look at me in disbelief.

"I understand just fine."

He grips my shoulders again. "You can't even begin to-"

"No!" I cut him off and shove him away. "_You_ don't know anything!" I'm getting angry again. "You're aren't the only one with _daddy issues. _What, did you think that all of my scars came from hunting accidents? You do NOT know me, Iron Moore! I am not stupid!"

"Really now?" He yells back. "Have I attacked the careers? Have I shown them my weaknesses? Have I ever seemed vulnerable? I saw you talking to the boy from twelve. I heard what you said to help him. You are making mistakes left and right. _You_ are have made yourself vulnerable and _you _will have made yourself a target. _You _are not going to last long."

He's right. He's fucking right.

He's walking past me, back to the elevator, but not before staggering a little on the way there.

_'He's drunk' _I remind myself. _'He doesn't know what he's doing.'_

But that doesn't make what he said any less true.

_"Daddy, why are you doing this...?"_

I can't hold my self up any longer, so I just fall to my knees and hold myself, much like Iron was doing just a few moments ago, trying to keep from falling apart.

* * *

**So here it is! Finally! I hope you all liked it, and if you did, please let me know in a review. They keep me going and bring the biggest smiles to my face. If you have any critiques, advice or ideas to give me, don't hesitate to tell me. **

**And if any of you were wondering, the reason I was missing for so long is because of my particularly hard summer. A very dear friend of mine had lose her battle with cancer and passed away this last June. She was one of my best friends and I fell into a deep depression. I lost all motivation to write. I couldn't even start on this chapter until late August and then something else happened. **

**I hardly ever let things like this get to me and am usually the first to brush off harsh words, but given my emotional state at the time, this affected me greatly. A flaming troll PM'd me and harshly flamed all of my work. They told me all of my characters were Mary- Sues and disasters and that my writing was atrocious. I let this message get to me and I once again fell into a depression. Then school started and homework piled up. **

**I think I am finally back to my normal self and have gained some more confidence in my writing thanks to once again reading all of your numerous reviews. **

**Thank you all so much. :)**

**-IAmTheStars **


	7. A Fathers Touch

**Sooooo... Yeahhhh. I really have nothing to say for myself except that I'm super duper sorry. Really, I am. You are all wonderfully patient people to deal with my inconsistent update schedule. I love you all.**

**My sincerest thank you's to Hahaha, Guest, Girlonfire, and Ferris to reviewing! **

**Read on! **

* * *

"_You are making mistakes left and right. You have made yourself vulnerable and you will have made yourself a target. You are not going to last long."_

Those words have haunted my dreams all night.

I have made myself a target. I have displayed my strengths and my weaknesses. I have angered the wrong people. I have made myself a target.

I have made myself so vulnerable.

* * *

It wasn't until midnight that Marvin found me on the roof, still on my knees with my arms wrapped around myself. I wasn't crying, I wasn't trembling, I didn't even make a sound. I may as well have been dead. He didn't speak when he saw me in my pathetic state, he didn't sigh like he usually does when I do something strange or stupid. He just knelt down next to me, slid his arms under my legs and around my shoulders, and carried my like a child back to my room. His hold was warm, secure, and safe. He tucked me in, ran a hand through my hair, and then left me.

No words were spoken. None were needed. Words, I guess, aren't needed when a loving father tucks a child into their bed. No words are spoken when actions can say so much more. Actions can say, "You are safe." "You are cared for." "You are not alone.". Actions can say those things without even making a sound, and yet the speak volumes. I never knew that until now. I never had a father who cared.

It's strange, how in a few moments of silent affirmation, he told me so much more than my own father ever could. He made me believe that I am safe with the secure embrace of his arms. He told me that I am cared for with a gentle hand through my hair. He let me know that I am not alone with just one meaningful glance.

I felt so safe and sound, yet at the same time I was so heart broken. Why couldn't my own father do this? Why couldn't he put the bottle away and comfort his daughter? Why could he just love me?

I never realized how much I needed a father, how much I longed for affection. I never knew that such simple touches and gestures could affect me so deeply.

Marvin, without making a sound, gave everything I could ever wanted, even when I wasn't aware that I needed these things. He made me feel safe and loved.

He broke my heart, yet made it whole at the same time.

* * *

"Stand straighter!"

"Don't stick your butt out!"

"Your balance is atrocious."

"Suck in your gut!"

I don't think I have ever hated anyone more than Tallulah Blume. From her red hair that resembles a beehive to her 10 inch heels, I hate it all. Arista is the only thing that is keeping me from chucking a very intricate and pointed vase into Tallulah's face. Arista has never looked more like an angel in my eyes.

"You're doing great." She tells me while I sit down and take a water break. Who knew learning to walk in heels could make one sweat. "Honestly, you will be a pro in no time!"

Though her words don't exactly prove to be true, they give me enough confidence to walk one lap around the room without stumbling once.

"That's good enough." Tallulah says bitterly after hours of instructing and verbally abusing me. She is making it pretty clear that's it's obviously not good enough, at least in her eyes. On the other hand, Arista is positively bouncing off the walls in light if my accomplishment.

"Arista, I need you to pick up the crystals and pearls I ordered, as well as my coffee, get my work station, order my coffee, and gather all the cosmetics we will be using for tonight." Tallulah gives these orders faster than I have ever heard any other human being talk, before turning to me. "As for you, keep practicing. Don't take these shoes off until you can leap across the room in them."

Of course, as soon as they leave, I kick off the death traps and collapse onto the couch. This pain is outrageous.

"I can't do this." I exclaim out loud to no one in particular.

"Sure you can." Marvin's voice comes reaches my ears and I look over and see him entering the room with Alanzo trailing behind him.

"Oh my!" Alanzo squeaks, "Are these the shoes you will be wearing tonight?"

"Uh, Yeah." I answer, looking down at the torture devices. They are beautiful and surprisingly simple, covered in pearly white satin and lined with light lavender fabric, but the sheer pain they cause make them ugly in my eyes. "Button, they are simply darling!"

"Thanks." I say with a slight smile. Next to Tallulah, his zealous personality is almost refreshing to be around.

"Don't thank me yet." He warns, "We have to prepare you for the interview."

The word _interview_ makes my heart jump into my throat and I groan internally at the feeling. Being questioned in front of thousands of people does not sound appealing.

We have tried several different approaches and characters for me to play, but with very little success. The mysterious approach didn't work out because I keep appearing too timid. Confident was an absolute no. My attempt at sweet was embarrassing and my sexy side was exceptionally laughable. After several hours of this, only one thought is coming to mind.

I'm hopeless.

"Marvin, I really don't think I can do this." I exclaim, anxiety clear in my voice and tears welling in my eyes. I feel so overwhelmed. Alanzo had given up on me hours ago and went to go check Iron progress.

"Hey," He says quietly. He moves over to sit next to me and places his hands of my shoulder, bringing back memories of last night, of that fatherly touch that affected me so much. It just causes more tears to overflow. "You're going to be okay." He tells me slowly, enunciating every word clearly and slowly. "Arien, You can do this. You are going to be okay."

Again, here he is, looking so much like the father I had always dreamed of having. Caring for me, believing in me, and comforting me. It feels so amazing to be cared for like this, yet it brings such an unbearable pain in my chest. It hurts so much, reminding me of what I've never had. It hurts to think about how terribly I could have failed if Marvin had not been here. It pains me to think that a man that I have only known for days has done more for me than my father could ever do in 16 years.

I cry harder.

"Shhh..." Marvin hugs me to his chest, comforting me, yet hurting me at the same time. "Why are you crying?"

I just shake my head, unable to speak through the sobs that I am trying so hard to contain.

"P-please," I cry into his chest, my tears creating a stain on his shirt. "please don't leave me."

I don't know why I say these words. I don't want him to matter this much. I never asked him to comfort me, to make me believe that someone could care for me like this, like how a father cares for their child.

Yet he did.

"I won't leave you. I promise."

* * *

I hate mirrors.

They are so honest. They never lie. They show every scar, every flaw, and every imperfection. And even when those imperfections are camouflaged, covered with thick face paint and sparkles, it tells me what a lie I have become.

Such a beautiful lie.

I'm standing in my impossible heels in front of a mirror, feeling the silky satin of the floor length dress I'm wearing. It is stunning. The pearly lavender color shimmers when the light hits it and the long train makes it look endless. The diamonds on the bodice look so intricate and regal. The thick halter strap drapes elegantly and gently around my shoulders, making them look delicate and fragile. The shimmering powder on my skin makes me look luminous and my shiny dark hair is elegantly wrapped up at the base of my neck, making me feel sophisticated. I have never felt so beautiful, so desirable.

I have never felt like such a liar.

None of this is me. I am not beautiful, desirable or delicate.

"You look wonderful." Arista says from behind me. "You look like a princess." I look at her when she says the word _princess._ I haven't heard that word since I was a child, when my Mom would tell me stories about princesses being saved by knights in shining silver armor. I used to fantasize about being a princess. I wanted to be saved by a handsome hero, and then maybe marry him someday. But those were a child's dream.

"I look like a lie, Arista." I tell her sadly. I look up to her, somehow still shorter than her even in these shoes. "None of this is me."

"I know." She replies. "But sometimes, even a fragile satin dress can act as an armor."

I have no idea what she means by that and my confusion obviously shows on my face.

"I don't get it."

She laughs at my confusion before explaining. "Right now, I don't see a frightened little girl who will soon be put into an arena to fight to her death. I see a confident, stunning young woman. Though I personally believe that fashion should only enhance, it can also hide. Even though you may feel hopeless and insecure, no one will ever know. Heels can make you stand straighter even though you may feel like a slouching loser. Diamonds and pearls can make you look shimmering and alive, even when you feel dead in the inside. It's as good a defense as any other. It can hide who you truly are so no one can hurt you."

"Do you hide behind fashion?" I ask.

"No, but I have been blessed with a safe home and an easy life. I am happy with my life and I don't feel the need to hide it. But you have been taken away from everything that makes you happy and I can only imagine what that must be like, so I am going to protect you in the only way I know I can."

"Why do you care so much?"

"The games are a terrible thing." She answers simply. "No one deserves this."

"Are there other people in the capitol like you?"

She sighs sadly. "I really hope so."

* * *

Holy shit.

I can't breath.

I am standing in line with Iron right behind me, waiting to be interviewed. Iron has given no indication that he remembers our conversation from last night, but I'm not looking back and checking. He is just being is usual stoic self. I am trying to remember everything that Marvin and Arista told me, but my thoughts are to jumbled and frantic to make ant sense of. Panic rises in my stomach and I feel like the superficial armor that Arista has provided me with is doing nothing to hide it.

The boy from eight has just been called out onto the stage. That means I only have a few minutes before it's my turn.

What do I say?

What do I do?

What if I make a fool of my self?

What if I make a terrible mistake?

What if I f_all?_ In front of e_veryone?_

What if?

What if?

What-?

"And up next," _Oh no_. "The lovely little doe herself," _Please no. _"Arien Lockett!"

My legs aren't working. They feel wobbly. Everything is echoing, every sound is pulsing painfully in my mind.

I take one step forward. Then another. I feel light headed. I step onstage and the blinding lights hurt my eyes.

I reorient myself. Only 10 more steps and I'll be in my seat. Cesar takes my pale, shimmering hand in his orang-ish one and steadies me while I sit.

"Well, my darling, may I just begin by saying that you look simply stunning." He compliments. "Don't you all agree." The crowd claps and cheers in agreement and I smile. Arista's armor really does work.

"T-thank you." I stutter.

"Tallulah Blume is you stylist, is that correct?"

"Yes."

"I have had the pleasure of meeting her on a few occasions." He informs me with a chuckle. "Such a charming woman."

"_Very_ charming." I reply with a chuckle of my own. Caesar shares a look with me, a secret look like we now share an inside joke. I guess he has met the true Tallulah Blume as well. It helps my smile grow.

"So tell me Arien, you received a very impressive score of eight yesterday. It took many people by surprise, me included, and we are all very impressed." The crowd hums in agreement. "How did you achieve it?"

"I wish I could say," I tell him with a small shrug of my shoulders, trying to turn up what little charm factor I posess. "but I was so overwhelmed that I can hardly remember a thing!" That lie got a chuckle from the audience.

"Well, no one saw it coming. I doubt anyone could have guessed that that gentle little doe we saw at the opening ceremony could deliver such a dangerous score."

So they see me as gentle? A little doe? This could either work in my favor, or horribly against me.

"Neither could I, Cesar." Another chuckle.

"And she's charming, too." He addresses the audience. They laugh, and I laugh too.

I have never felt so unlike me before.

"Do you have much family back home?" Cesar asks.

I really hoped he wouldn't ask me about home.

My smile falters a bit when those words leave his mouth.

"No." I say, my superficial armor suddenly feeling like just the thin fabric it is.

"But you have some?" Cesar inquires, leaning forward at my sudden change in mood.

"Yes. It's just me and my brother. His name is Joseph."

"Can you tell me about him?"

Oh God.

"U-umm..." I'm struggling to answer this question. My throat is closing and I'm suddenly feeling so claustrophobic on the huge open stage. Cesar leans to take my hand and gives me an encouraging smile. "H-he is ten years old. His hair is curly and dark-"

"Is it the same color as yours?"

"It's a little darker. He is only a little shorter than me... He has the brightest blue eyes," Tears come to my eyes while I picture his in my mind. Those baby blues, framed by his dark curls, crying for me not to leave him, for me to come back. I bring my other hand to my chest, wishing more than anything that my locket is there. "Our mothers eyes."

"And your mother, she's passed." He states.

"Just after Joseph was born. I promised her that I would take care of him." My armor is completely gone now. I want to curse at myself and at Cesar for bringing this subject up, for making me look so vulnerable in front of so many people. "I'm sorry." I say, wiping at a treacherous tear that escaped my eye.

"No need." He gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "He must mean a lot to you."

I only nod, unable to say anymore in my efforts to not have a total breakdown in front of the entire capitol.

"Well who knows, you may see him once again. I surely hope you do."

"Thank you, Cesar." I force a small smile unto my face while he addresses the audience, asking them to give me a round of applause. He helps me out of my chair and I give the audience a wave as I walk back to the back stage. I walk as fact as I can, avoiding the judgmental gaze that Iron and probably every other remaining tribute must be giving me.

I only catch the eye of one other tribute.

Katniss Everdeen.

I know her name now. Who couldn't, when she got a Perfect score of eleven?

In my mind, after seeing her from across the room in the training center, or when she got her score, she always looked dangerous, hard and deadly. But right now, in the split second our eyes connect, she looks sad. Her brows are pulled together and her lips are turned slightly downward. But as soon as that second is over, so is that looks of relateable sadness. Her features harden and she adverts her eyes quickly.

I know she has a child to look after too. That sweet looking blonde girl who screamed her name despairingly at their reaping. So much like how Joseph called my own when he was pulled from my arms in the justice building.

This is all too much.

I quicken my pace, walking as fast as these damn shoes will let me. I run past Alanzo, Arista, and Tallulah in the hallway and run to the elevator, ignoring their confused calls of my name. I just need to escape from here.

I repeatedly press the number nine in the elevator while kicking off the damned shoes, mentally screaming at it to go faster, but it stops at floor two.

Oh, please no.

The doors slowly open to reveal Cato. He enters the elevator and presses the button that will take him to the roof. He's not acknowledging me. I start to think that he isn't aware of me, but those hopes are crushed when he turns my way.

Suddenly the elevator seems very tight.

"I thing you really touched the audience when you pulled out those waterworks." His voice is light and conversational, but the look in his eyes tell me something different. They look threatening, dangerous. "It will sure get you some sympathy votes," He's approaches me slowly and I back away, trying to hide the immense terror coursing through me. My back hits the wall. I'm trapped. I'm scared. There is barely six inches between my face and his hard chest when he finally stops moving. I refuse to look up into his eyes. I don't want him to see my face. He speaks again, but this time his voice is no longer friendly. "but those tears won't save you in the arena.

"You are going to pay for that stunt you pulled in the center. Not all the tears in the world will save you."

The elevator dings.

He backs away before the door opens and looks me up and down. I resist the urge to shrink under his cold gaze.

"Nice dress." He compliments, his voice back to being light and airy.

I pick up my shoes and slowly walk out of the elevator. I hear him chuckle quietly as I leave.

As soon as the doors close I see Marvin standing in the middle of the entrance, somehow knowing this would be the first place that I would come to. I drop the damned shoes and just stand there for a few moments, not knowing what to do with myself.

I'm so afraid.

It isn't until Marvin slowly opens his arms out to me that I realize what I need. I run across the vast room and collapse into his arms. I cry in his chest for what feels like the thousandth time, though in all actuality I think it is only the third.

I don't need any false words of reassurance, I don't need to hear anything right now.

All I need is a gentle fathers touch.

* * *

**I hope you all enjoyed this update!**

**Again, thank you to all of my readers! I really appreciate all the support each and every one of you give. :)**

**-IAmTheStars**


End file.
